Here is Ethan, along with all the other Kindergarten students at his school on thier very own school CD recorded back in November. Enjoy!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Some snowy fun
Mrs. Rollerson sent home a sheet of ideas to do at home to celebrate the snow. These two were Ethan's favorites:
Marshmallow snowmen. Ethan's is in the middle. Unfortunately they are not edible because mom didn't have any icing to make them stick together so we used glue - for the hats and the graham crackers. But they made a lovely centerpiece on our table for several weeks.
Homemade snow globe. Mom was also out of glitter so we cut up aluminum foil into small(ish) pieces. The green thing is a wooden tree from his train collection. Not sure why the camera seems to be farsighted.
Ethan is right now involved in a read-a-thon at school. If anyone would like to sponsor him, his goal is to read (ie-look at books or be read to) for a total of 200 (at least) minutes this month. You can pledge a price per minute, or a flat rate. Donations are tax deductible and can be made out to North Heights Christian Academy. Even if you are out of state - I don't think that is a problem. Please e-mail me with your name and pledge if you would like to do this and I will add you to Ethan's pledge sheet. Grandma's...? Grandpa's? C'mon - step up! :)
Marshmallow snowmen. Ethan's is in the middle. Unfortunately they are not edible because mom didn't have any icing to make them stick together so we used glue - for the hats and the graham crackers. But they made a lovely centerpiece on our table for several weeks.
Homemade snow globe. Mom was also out of glitter so we cut up aluminum foil into small(ish) pieces. The green thing is a wooden tree from his train collection. Not sure why the camera seems to be farsighted.Ethan is right now involved in a read-a-thon at school. If anyone would like to sponsor him, his goal is to read (ie-look at books or be read to) for a total of 200 (at least) minutes this month. You can pledge a price per minute, or a flat rate. Donations are tax deductible and can be made out to North Heights Christian Academy. Even if you are out of state - I don't think that is a problem. Please e-mail me with your name and pledge if you would like to do this and I will add you to Ethan's pledge sheet. Grandma's...? Grandpa's? C'mon - step up! :)
The last sippy...
Sniff. Not so much over the sippy mind you (it went straight into the trash after this photo) but for the era it represents. Now, when I get to the last diaper there will be no tears shed.Ah, well...on with the adventure!
N is for Turtle
Noah's latest thing: playing turtle. Wonder of the folks at IKEA thought about this when they made their little rocker?
Here is the baby turtle waving at me from under his shell. It really amuses me - he thought of this all on his own. One day, he's crawling around on the floor with this rocker on his back. I asked him "what are you doing, Noah?" And he replied matter-of-factly "I'm playing turtle." And has almost every day for 2 weeks now.
Here is the baby turtle waving at me from under his shell. It really amuses me - he thought of this all on his own. One day, he's crawling around on the floor with this rocker on his back. I asked him "what are you doing, Noah?" And he replied matter-of-factly "I'm playing turtle." And has almost every day for 2 weeks now. Thursday, February 21, 2008
Concessions?
For those of you praying - be encouraged and keep it up. Rob has conceeded sole religious upbringing responsibility to me. And this last weekend, I found out he's been liquidating our retirment money. Once I got my lawyer involved with this, his lawyer (who since Dec. has not been in any hurry to get him to meet deadlines or disclose information, etc.) has shown a very sudden interest in getting things settled sooner rather than later...I think she realized he will not be able to pay her very soon. Especially if he's not allowed to liquidate the retirement. Still no job. He also agreed to allow me to file my own taxes in light of this.
I've been praying that he would begin to feel the consequences of his actions and choices. I'm seeing it. His creditors have been calling me looking for him. If we are sucessful in freezing his access to the retirement, and he doesn't get a full time job or at least another part time or two, then his source of income is essentially cut off and it's only a matter of time before he's either sleeping in his car, in a shelter, or has to start doing the "move in with a girlfriend" thing. Unless this pain restores his right mind and leads him to repentance and help. Keep praying. I don't want to be here with the boys when he falls apart - I'd like to be home in Ohio. And I'd like to be free to go (i.e. have everything wrapped up legally) BEFORE my 18th anniversary.
I'll try to get some pics of the boys up soon - been quite busy with the new full time working single mommy gig.
I've been praying that he would begin to feel the consequences of his actions and choices. I'm seeing it. His creditors have been calling me looking for him. If we are sucessful in freezing his access to the retirement, and he doesn't get a full time job or at least another part time or two, then his source of income is essentially cut off and it's only a matter of time before he's either sleeping in his car, in a shelter, or has to start doing the "move in with a girlfriend" thing. Unless this pain restores his right mind and leads him to repentance and help. Keep praying. I don't want to be here with the boys when he falls apart - I'd like to be home in Ohio. And I'd like to be free to go (i.e. have everything wrapped up legally) BEFORE my 18th anniversary.
I'll try to get some pics of the boys up soon - been quite busy with the new full time working single mommy gig.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Tired
Wow. I thought I was tired after I had both of my babies and was only getting sleep in 2-3 hour increments. But now, after 8 months of only averaging 5 hours a night or less, plus working full time and trying to maintain a homestead and household by myself...well, let's just say somethings gotta change soon.
Rob thinks there is no reason why I should not be willing to let him help with the maintenance on the home, or even running errands from time to time for us. Can you imagine? He wants to play house. Apparently, in his world, this is the way it's done. Why, some of the new friends he has even live under the same roof as divorced people "for the sake of the kids". He actually looks at me as if I just can't think logically here because my emotions are not in control like his - and that is my problem. I need to move past this so we can 'maintain the status quo" for the boys...nevermind that MY status quo and the boys status quo was mommy at home full time teaching them while daddy worked. No, it's really Rob's status quo he wants to maintain...he get's his domestic fix when he wants it and gets to play otherwise. It's sick and I really don't care if that's the way the world does it. I have no intentions of having any relationship with this man apart from what I must with regards to the kids. And allowing him to play "domestic partner" is NOT part of the deal.
This creates a bit of fear in me when I'm weak and tired - Rob comes off as very logical and wanting to do whatever is best for the boys (provided it doesn't mean him having to change his life too much - like moving to Ohio or actually repenting) and makes me seem like the emotional basketcase who just can't see past her pain. Please, someone tell me this is just not logical. I'm not crazy for not wanting to maintain a domestic relationship with him am I? Is it possible the courts will actually say to me "why not? Seems like a good arrangement for the kids and you are an adult so you can get over it."
I know I have good arguements for moving - financial ones, employment ones, emotional ones. And I've already been shown that my concerns for letting him have the kids in the night time is valid becuase the neutral evaluators agreed with me - no overnights until he's tested and they can see more clearly what's going on in his brain. But I also know the legal reality is that worse parents than Rob have been granted parental visitation and/or custody, and that whole parental rights piece seems to trump financial stability or emotional stability. After all, it would trample on poor Rob's civil rights to not be able to have access to his children. Apparently it's not in the kid's or my civil rights to have emotional, financial and spiritual support as well as stability.
How am I supposed to look forward to 16 years of "co-parenting" with a man who no longer shares my values and really only wants to parent in so much as it doesn't require him to change his life? And who SEEMS to have the courts to support this behavior and choices - becuase he's not doing anything "illegal". At least that we KNOW and can prove.
That brings me to my last revelation for today: I realize that I've been a single parent for a while now. But not just to Ethan and Noah. Also to Rob. I never set out to parent my spouse, but as I look back to the last 2 years or so, I see it's a role he kind of forced me into. What I thought was supporting him as a wife on this side is starting to look like an attempt to save him from himself...just like a mom is supposed to do. I picked up his slack - financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I tried not to in many instances, giving him the room and time to be the man and head he was supposed to. But there comes a time when it just has to be done and if the person who is supposed to do it isn't going to, well then, you must. Of course, I'm thinking that's what a friend does. That's what a wife does. At least, that's how it's supposed to work - we are supposed to challenge, sharpen, make one another better, help each other. But all Rob was doing was resenting himself for not being able to meet expectations and resenting me for being able to apparently - because he had no intentions of changing and didn't WANT to change. He just wanted everyone to stop expecting him to be a Christian, father, husband, friend. But I know for a fact that I never forced anything nor did I nag. Of course, to him, if I had to ask more than one time becuase he forgot, or is procrastinating, then I'm nagging. He is so much just like the teen agers I teach right now, it's comical....and sad.
Please continue praying for the legal side of things. We are all on hold waiting for Rob to "get it together" and do his evaluation. He's stalling because of the cost involved. Oh, he has plenty of money to go out, pay his fancy phone bill, buy clothes, take the kids out to eat, but not enough to get a court requested psych eval done. His creditors are starting to call me, too. Perhaps, part of that waiting that God is asking of me is to just wait for Rob's finances to crash around him...then he can't really fight anymore. I hate waiting, but I am intrigued to see how God is going to show Himself through this.
Rob thinks there is no reason why I should not be willing to let him help with the maintenance on the home, or even running errands from time to time for us. Can you imagine? He wants to play house. Apparently, in his world, this is the way it's done. Why, some of the new friends he has even live under the same roof as divorced people "for the sake of the kids". He actually looks at me as if I just can't think logically here because my emotions are not in control like his - and that is my problem. I need to move past this so we can 'maintain the status quo" for the boys...nevermind that MY status quo and the boys status quo was mommy at home full time teaching them while daddy worked. No, it's really Rob's status quo he wants to maintain...he get's his domestic fix when he wants it and gets to play otherwise. It's sick and I really don't care if that's the way the world does it. I have no intentions of having any relationship with this man apart from what I must with regards to the kids. And allowing him to play "domestic partner" is NOT part of the deal.
This creates a bit of fear in me when I'm weak and tired - Rob comes off as very logical and wanting to do whatever is best for the boys (provided it doesn't mean him having to change his life too much - like moving to Ohio or actually repenting) and makes me seem like the emotional basketcase who just can't see past her pain. Please, someone tell me this is just not logical. I'm not crazy for not wanting to maintain a domestic relationship with him am I? Is it possible the courts will actually say to me "why not? Seems like a good arrangement for the kids and you are an adult so you can get over it."
I know I have good arguements for moving - financial ones, employment ones, emotional ones. And I've already been shown that my concerns for letting him have the kids in the night time is valid becuase the neutral evaluators agreed with me - no overnights until he's tested and they can see more clearly what's going on in his brain. But I also know the legal reality is that worse parents than Rob have been granted parental visitation and/or custody, and that whole parental rights piece seems to trump financial stability or emotional stability. After all, it would trample on poor Rob's civil rights to not be able to have access to his children. Apparently it's not in the kid's or my civil rights to have emotional, financial and spiritual support as well as stability.
How am I supposed to look forward to 16 years of "co-parenting" with a man who no longer shares my values and really only wants to parent in so much as it doesn't require him to change his life? And who SEEMS to have the courts to support this behavior and choices - becuase he's not doing anything "illegal". At least that we KNOW and can prove.
That brings me to my last revelation for today: I realize that I've been a single parent for a while now. But not just to Ethan and Noah. Also to Rob. I never set out to parent my spouse, but as I look back to the last 2 years or so, I see it's a role he kind of forced me into. What I thought was supporting him as a wife on this side is starting to look like an attempt to save him from himself...just like a mom is supposed to do. I picked up his slack - financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I tried not to in many instances, giving him the room and time to be the man and head he was supposed to. But there comes a time when it just has to be done and if the person who is supposed to do it isn't going to, well then, you must. Of course, I'm thinking that's what a friend does. That's what a wife does. At least, that's how it's supposed to work - we are supposed to challenge, sharpen, make one another better, help each other. But all Rob was doing was resenting himself for not being able to meet expectations and resenting me for being able to apparently - because he had no intentions of changing and didn't WANT to change. He just wanted everyone to stop expecting him to be a Christian, father, husband, friend. But I know for a fact that I never forced anything nor did I nag. Of course, to him, if I had to ask more than one time becuase he forgot, or is procrastinating, then I'm nagging. He is so much just like the teen agers I teach right now, it's comical....and sad.
Please continue praying for the legal side of things. We are all on hold waiting for Rob to "get it together" and do his evaluation. He's stalling because of the cost involved. Oh, he has plenty of money to go out, pay his fancy phone bill, buy clothes, take the kids out to eat, but not enough to get a court requested psych eval done. His creditors are starting to call me, too. Perhaps, part of that waiting that God is asking of me is to just wait for Rob's finances to crash around him...then he can't really fight anymore. I hate waiting, but I am intrigued to see how God is going to show Himself through this.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Be the Eagle
This is the theme from Ethan's school this year. He has told me "mommy, did you know
Eagles can fly above a rain storm?" and "Eagles can see really good".
My pastor did a sermon series a couple of months back called "Wings". He spoke of us hiding under God's wings, riding on top of God's wings, extending our own wings to soar and to protect others.
Yesterday, I was praying and feeling very blue, missing the Rob I knew and feeling rather anxious at the legal fight ahead of me. I THOUGHT I kept hearing God bring me back to 2 things I THINK He's been telling me (I'm hesitant to credit God because over the last 8 months there have been many times when what I thought was the voice of God seems to have turned out to be my own voice, or possibly even the enemy preying on my emotions...I hope I'm not the only one out there who has some trouble telling the difference sometimes. Guess I'm not always a very good sheep, huh?) The two things: 1)WAIT, Lori...you have done all you can now stand still and know that I am God and 2)soar above this with me...get your eyes on me and not Rob or the circumstance.
Have I been listening? Apparently not very well because yesterday I'm driving home and what do I see swooping in and out of traffic on Snelling Ave. in the middle of commercial property no where near a river? A large, adult, bald eagle. I've been here 12 years and have never seen that. And it flew off once my car passed. I still almost missed it until this verse popped in my head "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles...". Once the fact that the Omnipotent Creator of all the Universe took a moment to send me an eagle to remind me of His presence, I wept all the way home.
So the more I allow the Lord to heal my heart here, and the more freedom I find as I let go of my wrong judgments and really learn to trust the Lord completely, the more my spirit is open to seeing and hearing what He is saying and has apparently been saying since the beginning of this mess: rest in me, Lori. Stop trying to control the situation. Let ME be your strength. Let me be your defender. Vengence is mine, not yours. Your job is simply to abide in me and allow me to abide in you. Your job is to LET ME. Let me heal you. Let me transform you. Let me fix what is wrong in you - and release the rest. You can't fix it anyway.
And he's been showing me, speaking to me through so many channels, but I've not been tuned in to hear them. Oh, I've been able to recognize the biggies: $5000 of free car repairs, abundant blessings for Christmas from numerous sources for myself and my boys, a job making $8000 more than I had even dared hope for. But I was missing those whispers of "I'm still here. You are carved into my hand. I'm still in control of YOU and your children because you are in covenant with me...and I'm certainly able to influence secular minds and systems to ensure MY will is done for those who belong to me." Those whispers through my son relaying his school theme. The whispers through a sermon series. And now even sending an eagle...just for me. Coincidence? I think not.
It makes me hunger and thirst for more. It makes me desperate to know Him more intimately than ever. It makes the world fade away and become less important or scary. If the Lord is my stronghold and my salvation...whom shall I fear? What can man do to me?
Every day I am learning a bit more to agree with the writer of that hymn...yes, tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...Oh, for grace to trust Him more. I'm learning to be content and at peace - to know that I may be pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted but not abandoned. Struck down, but not destroyed. And though I may get rattled at first, I'm finding it easier to take a deep breath, hit my knees and cast it upon Him.
I shall not be moved.
Eagles can fly above a rain storm?" and "Eagles can see really good".
My pastor did a sermon series a couple of months back called "Wings". He spoke of us hiding under God's wings, riding on top of God's wings, extending our own wings to soar and to protect others.
Yesterday, I was praying and feeling very blue, missing the Rob I knew and feeling rather anxious at the legal fight ahead of me. I THOUGHT I kept hearing God bring me back to 2 things I THINK He's been telling me (I'm hesitant to credit God because over the last 8 months there have been many times when what I thought was the voice of God seems to have turned out to be my own voice, or possibly even the enemy preying on my emotions...I hope I'm not the only one out there who has some trouble telling the difference sometimes. Guess I'm not always a very good sheep, huh?) The two things: 1)WAIT, Lori...you have done all you can now stand still and know that I am God and 2)soar above this with me...get your eyes on me and not Rob or the circumstance.
Have I been listening? Apparently not very well because yesterday I'm driving home and what do I see swooping in and out of traffic on Snelling Ave. in the middle of commercial property no where near a river? A large, adult, bald eagle. I've been here 12 years and have never seen that. And it flew off once my car passed. I still almost missed it until this verse popped in my head "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles...". Once the fact that the Omnipotent Creator of all the Universe took a moment to send me an eagle to remind me of His presence, I wept all the way home.
So the more I allow the Lord to heal my heart here, and the more freedom I find as I let go of my wrong judgments and really learn to trust the Lord completely, the more my spirit is open to seeing and hearing what He is saying and has apparently been saying since the beginning of this mess: rest in me, Lori. Stop trying to control the situation. Let ME be your strength. Let me be your defender. Vengence is mine, not yours. Your job is simply to abide in me and allow me to abide in you. Your job is to LET ME. Let me heal you. Let me transform you. Let me fix what is wrong in you - and release the rest. You can't fix it anyway.
And he's been showing me, speaking to me through so many channels, but I've not been tuned in to hear them. Oh, I've been able to recognize the biggies: $5000 of free car repairs, abundant blessings for Christmas from numerous sources for myself and my boys, a job making $8000 more than I had even dared hope for. But I was missing those whispers of "I'm still here. You are carved into my hand. I'm still in control of YOU and your children because you are in covenant with me...and I'm certainly able to influence secular minds and systems to ensure MY will is done for those who belong to me." Those whispers through my son relaying his school theme. The whispers through a sermon series. And now even sending an eagle...just for me. Coincidence? I think not.
It makes me hunger and thirst for more. It makes me desperate to know Him more intimately than ever. It makes the world fade away and become less important or scary. If the Lord is my stronghold and my salvation...whom shall I fear? What can man do to me?
Every day I am learning a bit more to agree with the writer of that hymn...yes, tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...Oh, for grace to trust Him more. I'm learning to be content and at peace - to know that I may be pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted but not abandoned. Struck down, but not destroyed. And though I may get rattled at first, I'm finding it easier to take a deep breath, hit my knees and cast it upon Him.
I shall not be moved.
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