I will be exporting Funderburk Follies to my new blog (new name, new life...). It's title will be What Love Has Done and it can be found at www.whatlovehasdoneforlori.blogspot.com.
This will be my last post at this blog. All the posts from here are moving and all additional posts will be found there. I will wait to delete this blog for a couple of months to allow people to see this information.
(giggle) I get married in 8 days!!!!!!
Love you all and hope to see you at whatlovehasdoneforlori!
Lori
Friday, June 04, 2010
Friday, May 07, 2010
Seasons Come and Go
Ah...the end of a school year marks a change in mindset for all teachers. We turn into students as many of us attend professional development. We turn into domestic goddesses, finally catching up on projects around the house, doing the spring cleaning that most of us put off for grading papers, and actually cooking instead of ordering out. We finally find time for leisure reading, hobbies, or just hanging with the kids at the park or the pool. Just when we've had our fill of all that, it's time to jump back into the excitement and exhaustion of another school year.
I love teaching, but the political, financial, and community atmosphere of the last 2 years has really lowered my morale. I keep asking myself...why do I do this? I could be making more money at an easier job that recognizes my talents, skills, and appreciates my contribution. I get tired of being vilified by the community who THINKS they know what I do for a living, or looked at as a commodity to trade according to the whims of others. I tire of being a pawn for political manipulation. I'm exhausted from trying to meet the never ending demand of "more for less!" - all employees have their efficiency plateau. Teachers, it seems, are not allowed to have one. If they reach one level of productivity, well, then everyone seems to think they should be able to take that one more step... everyone seems to continue to expect BMW's at Pontiac prices. Or worse, many in the community are under the ridiculous impression that we are mere babysitters who work part time and are therefore overcompensated. It wears on the spirit, the work ethic, the professionalism. So why do I do it? I love it. I am gifted at it. I believe it is a vital, important job. Is there something else I could do? Absolutely. And I'd be wealthier financially. But I would not be as fulfilled. I would not feel the mandated purpose I feel now. Being a teacher, to me, is as important as being a parent. It's why I get up every morning. It fills my life with a mission. And I enjoy my clientele believe it or not. I did not choose teaching because it was an easy way to make a buck. I can name FAR easier professions. Visualize with me for a moment...you are attending your son or daughters sporting game, or practice, or rehearsal, or performance. If there is anyone sitting in the stands or in the audience doing work...who is it? A teacher. Teachers are not only "on" from 7 to 3. We are "on" 24/7...often doing work, answering e-mails, planning, spending our "free time" and our money on things for our students. Sometimes even to the neglect of our own families (i.e. report card week, week before a big concert or play, etc.)
If people want schools to be run like businesses, they had better be prepared to pay for it. As it is now, if the one thing that makes or breaks a school, your teachers, are considered overpaid...just wait until you have to pay us private sector prices. Right now, we are quite a bargain.
Enough of my tirade. Another season about to end for me is my season of singleness. It has been an important season for me. I've learned much about myself, my kids, my friends, my family, the body of Christ, and my God. Most of it has been good. I have also learned much about my previous 18 year relationship. Those were hard lessons. Hard to accept that much of what I thought or believed was simply untrue. That one person could go from best friend to worst enemy practically overnight. That someone you trusted implicitly could become the person you trust the least. That someone who you thought had your back was actually stabbing a knife in it. Betrayal is a bitter pill. It still lingers, creeps back into my heart and head from time to time. Its ever ready to consume me if I am not diligently working towards forgiveness.
This summer will be a whole new season...professionally, spiritually, relationally. I will be learning a new husband, new children, new domestic routines, all the while helping the other 5 members learn me and each other. No one said it was going to be easy...
But, then, I've never been one to take the easy road. ;)
Bring it on! I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me...
I love teaching, but the political, financial, and community atmosphere of the last 2 years has really lowered my morale. I keep asking myself...why do I do this? I could be making more money at an easier job that recognizes my talents, skills, and appreciates my contribution. I get tired of being vilified by the community who THINKS they know what I do for a living, or looked at as a commodity to trade according to the whims of others. I tire of being a pawn for political manipulation. I'm exhausted from trying to meet the never ending demand of "more for less!" - all employees have their efficiency plateau. Teachers, it seems, are not allowed to have one. If they reach one level of productivity, well, then everyone seems to think they should be able to take that one more step... everyone seems to continue to expect BMW's at Pontiac prices. Or worse, many in the community are under the ridiculous impression that we are mere babysitters who work part time and are therefore overcompensated. It wears on the spirit, the work ethic, the professionalism. So why do I do it? I love it. I am gifted at it. I believe it is a vital, important job. Is there something else I could do? Absolutely. And I'd be wealthier financially. But I would not be as fulfilled. I would not feel the mandated purpose I feel now. Being a teacher, to me, is as important as being a parent. It's why I get up every morning. It fills my life with a mission. And I enjoy my clientele believe it or not. I did not choose teaching because it was an easy way to make a buck. I can name FAR easier professions. Visualize with me for a moment...you are attending your son or daughters sporting game, or practice, or rehearsal, or performance. If there is anyone sitting in the stands or in the audience doing work...who is it? A teacher. Teachers are not only "on" from 7 to 3. We are "on" 24/7...often doing work, answering e-mails, planning, spending our "free time" and our money on things for our students. Sometimes even to the neglect of our own families (i.e. report card week, week before a big concert or play, etc.)
If people want schools to be run like businesses, they had better be prepared to pay for it. As it is now, if the one thing that makes or breaks a school, your teachers, are considered overpaid...just wait until you have to pay us private sector prices. Right now, we are quite a bargain.
Enough of my tirade. Another season about to end for me is my season of singleness. It has been an important season for me. I've learned much about myself, my kids, my friends, my family, the body of Christ, and my God. Most of it has been good. I have also learned much about my previous 18 year relationship. Those were hard lessons. Hard to accept that much of what I thought or believed was simply untrue. That one person could go from best friend to worst enemy practically overnight. That someone you trusted implicitly could become the person you trust the least. That someone who you thought had your back was actually stabbing a knife in it. Betrayal is a bitter pill. It still lingers, creeps back into my heart and head from time to time. Its ever ready to consume me if I am not diligently working towards forgiveness.
This summer will be a whole new season...professionally, spiritually, relationally. I will be learning a new husband, new children, new domestic routines, all the while helping the other 5 members learn me and each other. No one said it was going to be easy...
But, then, I've never been one to take the easy road. ;)
Bring it on! I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me...
Monday, May 03, 2010
Signs of Spring in Southwest Ohio:
1. rain
2. lilacs
3. bright green grass
4. warm/cold temp fluctuations
5. allergies
6. KINGS ISLAND!!!!!
been twice already - opening day and this last Saturday. I'm so glad my kids are roller coaster junkies.
By the way - I am down to about 40 days until my wedding. And I basically have all the big stuff done! Yeah, me!
2. lilacs
3. bright green grass
4. warm/cold temp fluctuations
5. allergies
6. KINGS ISLAND!!!!!
been twice already - opening day and this last Saturday. I'm so glad my kids are roller coaster junkies.
By the way - I am down to about 40 days until my wedding. And I basically have all the big stuff done! Yeah, me!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
Ah, my "last" show at Lakota East for a while. It's a big hit! The students have done very well, no major glitches, and the audience has responded favorably for all three shows we've done so far. I've decided not to take the supplemental contract next year - if it's even offered. Lakota is faced with a budget crisis and I am getting married and will instantly become a family of 6 and the stepmother of teenagers (eek!), so I'm circling the wagons so I can concentrate on what is most important. I hope to volunteer my services some, but this way I won't be required to put in the many hours of work that it takes to design, set, and execute the sound and lights. As my kids get older, I certainly hope to start getting back involved in community theater for myself. There is nothing quite like the stage. I miss it when I'm not doing it, then miss all my free time when I am! LOL!
Friday, April 02, 2010
Spring Candids...
Spring has sprung...
Marsh Lake, Fairfield
I just couldn't resist getting a few dusk pictures.
Hamilton COG Easter Egg hunt
Marsh Lake, Fairfield
I just couldn't resist getting a few dusk pictures.
Hamilton COG Easter Egg hunt
Good Quote
I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun: not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else- C.S.Lewis
I have always like Mr. Lewis - Lori
I have always like Mr. Lewis - Lori
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Loss
Wow. It's been an melencholy start to the week. First, a former student of mine lost her life in a tragic accident with a school but early Monday morning. It was the perfect storm: dark, rainy. The bus just did not see her. I feel for her family but also the bus driver.
It's made me stop and contemplate: am I reflecting Christ to my students? I get so little time with them. I know I cannot outright proselytize, but am I living clear enough that Christ shines through? This young lady was Cambodian and Buddist. Did she know Christ? Here is where I must trust in the character of my God. He is just, yes. But He is also love - the very definition of love. I cannot dare to speculate beyond that truth.
Second, my dear Grandma Bertha's heart is giving out on her. She has lived as a widow for nearly 8 years. Not only lived, but thrived. She did not let the death of my Grandpa Bill send her to her grave. She morned, she grieved, and she celebrated his home going. She is at peace, knowing completely what lies before her. She knows that soon, she will get to see Grandpa again. And her parents and siblings who have gone before her. And most of all...her Savior and the Lover of her soul. While my entire family rejoices with her on this level, there is a gloominess underlying the inevitable. We will miss her. Her smile, her giggle, her quiet strength and unwavering faith. As it is, we vow to cherish each moment of borrowed time we have left. And we pray for a quick home going - no lingering pain or discomfort.
Loss has a way of making you stop and take stock. What is important? What is critical. And more importantly...what is eternal? The answer to all three: your relationships. People.
I don't care if I never travel the world, live in a fancy house, drive an expensive car, have the "right" clothes or accessories. I don't care if I'm never famous or important to anyone except the people I love dearly. I consider myself very fortunate, indeed. I have more than my fair share of family and friends. I have lots of aquaintances, too. There are very few relationships I have made in my life that have ended. And really only one that ended badly - because of the other persons choosing. I think that is wonderful. I hope I never forget that people are eternal. Things are not.
I know I am not perfect in my relationships - I often wish I had the tenacity of my friend James Brooks when it comes to keeping in touch with all of my friends. Alas, I often rely on electronic correspondence. I suppose that is better than nothing, but it's not as personal as I wish I could be. And one drawback to having friends all over the country...I can't be there in body when they need me. But God can. And we will always be connected through our Father.
It's made me stop and contemplate: am I reflecting Christ to my students? I get so little time with them. I know I cannot outright proselytize, but am I living clear enough that Christ shines through? This young lady was Cambodian and Buddist. Did she know Christ? Here is where I must trust in the character of my God. He is just, yes. But He is also love - the very definition of love. I cannot dare to speculate beyond that truth.
Second, my dear Grandma Bertha's heart is giving out on her. She has lived as a widow for nearly 8 years. Not only lived, but thrived. She did not let the death of my Grandpa Bill send her to her grave. She morned, she grieved, and she celebrated his home going. She is at peace, knowing completely what lies before her. She knows that soon, she will get to see Grandpa again. And her parents and siblings who have gone before her. And most of all...her Savior and the Lover of her soul. While my entire family rejoices with her on this level, there is a gloominess underlying the inevitable. We will miss her. Her smile, her giggle, her quiet strength and unwavering faith. As it is, we vow to cherish each moment of borrowed time we have left. And we pray for a quick home going - no lingering pain or discomfort.
Loss has a way of making you stop and take stock. What is important? What is critical. And more importantly...what is eternal? The answer to all three: your relationships. People.
I don't care if I never travel the world, live in a fancy house, drive an expensive car, have the "right" clothes or accessories. I don't care if I'm never famous or important to anyone except the people I love dearly. I consider myself very fortunate, indeed. I have more than my fair share of family and friends. I have lots of aquaintances, too. There are very few relationships I have made in my life that have ended. And really only one that ended badly - because of the other persons choosing. I think that is wonderful. I hope I never forget that people are eternal. Things are not.
I know I am not perfect in my relationships - I often wish I had the tenacity of my friend James Brooks when it comes to keeping in touch with all of my friends. Alas, I often rely on electronic correspondence. I suppose that is better than nothing, but it's not as personal as I wish I could be. And one drawback to having friends all over the country...I can't be there in body when they need me. But God can. And we will always be connected through our Father.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Awesome devotion...
The Choice
by Max Lucado
He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.
All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.
"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."
All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."
Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.
An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "
"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished. "Come, I will show you."
Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.
"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."
The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion.
Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.
"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."
"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."
A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"
The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."
The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.
"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.
"Yes."
"They will forget you?"
"Yes."
"They will reject you?"
"Yes."
"They will never come back?"
"Some will. Most won't."
"What will it take to make them listen?"
The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.
With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.
He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.
"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.
"I will."
"Is there no other way?"
"There is not."
"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"
"It would," the Creator spoke slowly. "But to remove the choice is to remove the love."
He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.
Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.
Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.
Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless.
Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."
All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.
"It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.
But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday
scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.
The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "
The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."
They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.
But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.
Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:
"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"
The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.
"It's eternal!" gasped another.
Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth's mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.
Now it's our choice.
From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado
by Max Lucado
He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.
All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.
"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."
All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."
Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.
An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "
"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished. "Come, I will show you."
Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.
"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."
The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion.
Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.
"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."
"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."
A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"
The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."
The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.
"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.
"Yes."
"They will forget you?"
"Yes."
"They will reject you?"
"Yes."
"They will never come back?"
"Some will. Most won't."
"What will it take to make them listen?"
The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.
With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.
He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.
"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.
"I will."
"Is there no other way?"
"There is not."
"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"
"It would," the Creator spoke slowly. "But to remove the choice is to remove the love."
He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.
Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.
Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.
Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless.
Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."
All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.
"It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.
But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday
scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.
The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "
The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."
They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.
But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.
Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:
"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"
The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.
"It's eternal!" gasped another.
Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth's mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.
Now it's our choice.
From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado
Friday, March 19, 2010
WARNING: VENTING SESSION. PAST ICKINESS COMING BACK OUT FOR A MOMENT.
I was reading on MSN's homepage how Sandra Bullock's husband has cheated on her with a porn "star" (if that's what you want to call them). I read his press released apology. I'm not defending him in any way - it's disgusting and low. But at least he owned it. Not one single excuse for his bad behavior, not one shred of "I'm a victim" or trying to justify the behavior. He called it for what it was and said he was sorry - not just for getting caught, but for embarrassing his wife, children and for causing them pain.
3 years ago, my "christian, minister" husband admitted to several instances if infidelity including paid "professionals". Still to this day, I've yet to hear any ownership or labeling it for what it was. Instead, I hear excuses. I hear about how he was a victim of God, how he "fell out of love", how me and the boys should just be over it since it was three years ago. No apologies. No shame. Only scapegoating. No recognition of the pain, humiliation, embarrassment caused to me, his children. No admittance to the wrongness of the whole thing. He even told me at one point he was NOT sorry for betraying me. How nice is that?
Yeah, it still stings. I trusted him. I had more faith in his integrity. Turns out, I was believing in a fairy tale for he has no integrity.
When I hear of sinners who act better than those who would claim the name of Christ, it makes me so heart sick. I know I cannot expect him to ever make amends, and yes, I still work hard to walk in forgiveness towards him even without him even acknowledging being wrong. But for Pete's sake...Jesse James did it right immediately and my "christian" ex still hasn't after 3 years.
Guess that whole story just stirred some things up that I needed to vent about. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of the crap pit God rescued me from to the wonderful place he has brought me now. He certainly has traded me Beauty for ashes. Hope for despair.
I also read a wonderful quote: No one falls in love by choice. It is by chance. No one fall out of love by chance. It is by choice.
I choose love. I choose Steve, Joe, and Ben. I choose my kids. I choose my family. I choose the many friends I have made throughout my life.
Most of all...I choose Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for choosing me. I love you. And I am in love with you.
I was reading on MSN's homepage how Sandra Bullock's husband has cheated on her with a porn "star" (if that's what you want to call them). I read his press released apology. I'm not defending him in any way - it's disgusting and low. But at least he owned it. Not one single excuse for his bad behavior, not one shred of "I'm a victim" or trying to justify the behavior. He called it for what it was and said he was sorry - not just for getting caught, but for embarrassing his wife, children and for causing them pain.
3 years ago, my "christian, minister" husband admitted to several instances if infidelity including paid "professionals". Still to this day, I've yet to hear any ownership or labeling it for what it was. Instead, I hear excuses. I hear about how he was a victim of God, how he "fell out of love", how me and the boys should just be over it since it was three years ago. No apologies. No shame. Only scapegoating. No recognition of the pain, humiliation, embarrassment caused to me, his children. No admittance to the wrongness of the whole thing. He even told me at one point he was NOT sorry for betraying me. How nice is that?
Yeah, it still stings. I trusted him. I had more faith in his integrity. Turns out, I was believing in a fairy tale for he has no integrity.
When I hear of sinners who act better than those who would claim the name of Christ, it makes me so heart sick. I know I cannot expect him to ever make amends, and yes, I still work hard to walk in forgiveness towards him even without him even acknowledging being wrong. But for Pete's sake...Jesse James did it right immediately and my "christian" ex still hasn't after 3 years.
Guess that whole story just stirred some things up that I needed to vent about. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of the crap pit God rescued me from to the wonderful place he has brought me now. He certainly has traded me Beauty for ashes. Hope for despair.
I also read a wonderful quote: No one falls in love by choice. It is by chance. No one fall out of love by chance. It is by choice.
I choose love. I choose Steve, Joe, and Ben. I choose my kids. I choose my family. I choose the many friends I have made throughout my life.
Most of all...I choose Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for choosing me. I love you. And I am in love with you.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1213729155494&ref=mf
Check out this video posted by my high school choir director, Mr. Prior! I had the best senior year! Many of these peers were like family to me and I still stay in contact with several of them. I saw Mr. Prior on my birthday weekend and he even remembered the car I drove in high school! Anyway, this is me singing a solo at a concert in 1989. Hope you enjoy it.
Check out this video posted by my high school choir director, Mr. Prior! I had the best senior year! Many of these peers were like family to me and I still stay in contact with several of them. I saw Mr. Prior on my birthday weekend and he even remembered the car I drove in high school! Anyway, this is me singing a solo at a concert in 1989. Hope you enjoy it.
Monday, March 08, 2010
My Birthday
I had the most GLORIOUS birthday weekend I've had in a long time! Saturday morning began with a good workout, Ethan's basketball game, and my sweetheart surprising me with Starbucks! (Have I mentioned how much I looooooooooove Starbucks?) Then we went to see Joe Wegman play in the OMEA Honors Orchestra in the early afternoon. Later a bit of impromptu shoe shopping (impromptu because my children will wear their shoes until their toes are poking through before they will say anything - an unfortunate trait that cost me over $70 in the end because of limited selection and size in some stores...). Steve picked me up at 5:30 and took me to eat Indian food (YUUUUUUMMMMMMY) and THEN to Fairfield's Crystal Classic Show Choir Competition! OH WHAT FUN!!!! Brought back a lot of memories from my days as a Choralier. The choirs are bigger, the sets, costumes and props are much more elaborate, and now they have full, live bands and their own tech crews. Boy are they spoiled! LOL!
The best part of the whole weekend was just getting to spend a lot of time with my love. God has seen fit to bless me with someone so amazing as a partner. I am grateful and overwhelmed some days. I honestly never thought I'd be able to love again like I did the first time. It's so amazing and different to have someone love you equally in return...I cannot wait to be Steve's wife. :)
Heck, if Steve manages to make every year feel this special, then I'm going to have no trouble at all growing old... ;)
The best part of the whole weekend was just getting to spend a lot of time with my love. God has seen fit to bless me with someone so amazing as a partner. I am grateful and overwhelmed some days. I honestly never thought I'd be able to love again like I did the first time. It's so amazing and different to have someone love you equally in return...I cannot wait to be Steve's wife. :)
Heck, if Steve manages to make every year feel this special, then I'm going to have no trouble at all growing old... ;)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
A question for the audience
If any of you have been remarried with children or been a part of an effort to blend a yours and mine situation, I would like some insight and wisdom on relationship dynamics. How to counteract the competition factor. How to see the new family as a complete family and not two autonomous entities living under the same roof. How to date and nurture the husband/wife relationship when children are a part of the equation.
I'm stuggling with the becoming one aspect of all of this. How do you do it with children? Should we remain autonomous? Can a blended family follow the same biblical model as a natural made one - where the marriage relationship is first and priority or should the children be first?
Any thoughts from those who have been there?
I'm stuggling with the becoming one aspect of all of this. How do you do it with children? Should we remain autonomous? Can a blended family follow the same biblical model as a natural made one - where the marriage relationship is first and priority or should the children be first?
Any thoughts from those who have been there?
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wise as Serpents...Harmless as Doves
I am learning that although I want to be honest and deal with all people rightly, that not everyone appreciates or rewards that. In fact, there are many who lie in wait to exploit it.
Alas, I don't like this lesson. However, it may have saved me from a fatal financial error this week. We shall see.
I do have to thank God above for two angels he has watching over me: my mom and my fiance. Sometimes we entertain angels AWARE. When we are too emotional to hear the Spirit's voice, He uses others who can cut through the clamor - if we are smart enough to stop and listen. I'm not a genius...but I'm at least THAT smart. :)
So, with their help, I enjoyed a moment where I was wise as a serpent. I was assertive, yet respectful and harmless as a dove. As granny always said..."you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!"
mmmmmmm....honey...... ;)
Alas, I don't like this lesson. However, it may have saved me from a fatal financial error this week. We shall see.
I do have to thank God above for two angels he has watching over me: my mom and my fiance. Sometimes we entertain angels AWARE. When we are too emotional to hear the Spirit's voice, He uses others who can cut through the clamor - if we are smart enough to stop and listen. I'm not a genius...but I'm at least THAT smart. :)
So, with their help, I enjoyed a moment where I was wise as a serpent. I was assertive, yet respectful and harmless as a dove. As granny always said..."you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!"
mmmmmmm....honey...... ;)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Fruit Inspection and Grace
There have been two people in my life of late who has caused me to really reflect on some theological questions. Interested in feedback or thoughts.
The grace of Christ is free, but is it cheap? In other words, can/does Christ offer forgiveness to those who willfully sin with an attitude of "I can't help it so I'm not going to try" or an attitude of "I will enjoy my sin until it runs it's course then I'll ask forgiveness and all will be well"?
Does someone who sins and harms others while doing it get the privilege of their slate being wiped clean if they do repent? Are they still not responsible for the consequences of their actions? Are they still not accountable to those they wronged?
In Matthew, Christ instructs us that making things right with our brothers and sisters is a precursor to offering praise. So, if someone claims to be a Christian now, or be attending church, but have made NO efforts to seek forgiveness for sins committed towards another, and continues to live in such a way to harm another with no efforts to change or make that right, then are they truly a Christian? The Bible does tell us to be careful how we judge, for we cannot know the heart of others...but it also clearly outlines the type of fruit you should see in the life and attitudes of one who has come under the Lordship of Christ.
It seems to me that many "church people" find it all too easy to use Jesus as an anesthesiologist instead of a surgeon. They don't want Him to get in there and dig around and remove parts of them or cause them to die to themselves. They just want to be comfortably numb. They use him as a way to avoid responsibility and accountability. And instead of seeing their actions and thoughts in the light of God's holiness and realizing their need to change, they'd rather view them under the rose colored glasses of grace and use it as an excuse NOT to change (God loves me just like I am) .
Where is the balance? God is Love. Yes. God is merciful. yes. But God is Holy, holy, holy. I don't want to go back to legalism, but the permissiveness that seems to be pervasive in the church makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, grace is free to get. But doesn't it cost us something to keep? Doesn't Paul outline that to us in his instructions:BE YE TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind...? Doesn't' that seem to indicate that we have some responsibility in the relationship? Not that we can save ourselves or ever be good enough. Not to go so far as salvation by works. But I cannot bring myself to accepting the theology of "greasy grace", either.
Paradox always gets me. On one hand, grace is not grace if it is stipulated. On the other, Christ is a rock of offense and clearly expects more of us. The closest thing in this life to explain this is the parent/child relationship. I love my kids. I can be angry with them. Dissapointed in them. Downright mad at them. I can expect more, discipline, correct and punish. But I still love them. And I will still extend forgiveness and grace to them. But I will hold them accountable. I'm dealing with this in Ethan right now. He seems to always be "accidently" hurting his brother. He will do something, say he's sorry and ask forgiveness, then get angry at Noah if Noah is not willing to just forgive and forget about it. But where is Ethan's heart? Is he truly sorry? My guess is no - for he is right back doing the very same thing within hours...sometimes minutes and right back to expecting no consequences if 1) he claims it was an accident and 2) he apologizes and asks for forgiveness.
I believe I am in covenant with Christ. I know I have done things to bring Him shame or disappointment. I know I have hurt others (though I will say I do not usually do it intentionally - the exception to that is my divorce. I know there were times I was intentionally trying to hurt my ex). I am grateful for the free grace of Christ extended to me. But I am also keenly aware of my responsibility to that grace. I honor the gift, not taking it for granted. I am careful not to abuse it, not becuase I think God will zap me if I do, but becuase I am in relationship and I want to represent Him well. I don't want to stand before Him one day only to hear Him say "now who are you? I don't know you..."
I am not God and therefore am not the source of unlimited, unconditional grace and love. But I can say this: seems to me a very dangerous thing to think all sin or bad decisions in your life is negated by a flippant "please forgive me, God" or regular attendance at a church. As our Heavenly Father, seems to me that God would not be showing us love, nor justice (of which He is the perfect balance between) by letting us live like the devil and claim His grace. Seems to me Jesus should not be used as a personal endorsement to justify our selfish lives and choices. If I let my children do whatever they wanted or treat people however they wanted and never held them accountable or let them experience the consequences, then how much do I love them, really?
Christ tells us to come to Him as we are and let HIM clean us up. Not come as you are...you are just fine. We wouldn't need to come if we were not in need of some sort of fixing. You don't need a savior if there is nothing to save you from.
I welcome thoughts, comments, considerations....
The grace of Christ is free, but is it cheap? In other words, can/does Christ offer forgiveness to those who willfully sin with an attitude of "I can't help it so I'm not going to try" or an attitude of "I will enjoy my sin until it runs it's course then I'll ask forgiveness and all will be well"?
Does someone who sins and harms others while doing it get the privilege of their slate being wiped clean if they do repent? Are they still not responsible for the consequences of their actions? Are they still not accountable to those they wronged?
In Matthew, Christ instructs us that making things right with our brothers and sisters is a precursor to offering praise. So, if someone claims to be a Christian now, or be attending church, but have made NO efforts to seek forgiveness for sins committed towards another, and continues to live in such a way to harm another with no efforts to change or make that right, then are they truly a Christian? The Bible does tell us to be careful how we judge, for we cannot know the heart of others...but it also clearly outlines the type of fruit you should see in the life and attitudes of one who has come under the Lordship of Christ.
It seems to me that many "church people" find it all too easy to use Jesus as an anesthesiologist instead of a surgeon. They don't want Him to get in there and dig around and remove parts of them or cause them to die to themselves. They just want to be comfortably numb. They use him as a way to avoid responsibility and accountability. And instead of seeing their actions and thoughts in the light of God's holiness and realizing their need to change, they'd rather view them under the rose colored glasses of grace and use it as an excuse NOT to change (God loves me just like I am) .
Where is the balance? God is Love. Yes. God is merciful. yes. But God is Holy, holy, holy. I don't want to go back to legalism, but the permissiveness that seems to be pervasive in the church makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, grace is free to get. But doesn't it cost us something to keep? Doesn't Paul outline that to us in his instructions:BE YE TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind...? Doesn't' that seem to indicate that we have some responsibility in the relationship? Not that we can save ourselves or ever be good enough. Not to go so far as salvation by works. But I cannot bring myself to accepting the theology of "greasy grace", either.
Paradox always gets me. On one hand, grace is not grace if it is stipulated. On the other, Christ is a rock of offense and clearly expects more of us. The closest thing in this life to explain this is the parent/child relationship. I love my kids. I can be angry with them. Dissapointed in them. Downright mad at them. I can expect more, discipline, correct and punish. But I still love them. And I will still extend forgiveness and grace to them. But I will hold them accountable. I'm dealing with this in Ethan right now. He seems to always be "accidently" hurting his brother. He will do something, say he's sorry and ask forgiveness, then get angry at Noah if Noah is not willing to just forgive and forget about it. But where is Ethan's heart? Is he truly sorry? My guess is no - for he is right back doing the very same thing within hours...sometimes minutes and right back to expecting no consequences if 1) he claims it was an accident and 2) he apologizes and asks for forgiveness.
I believe I am in covenant with Christ. I know I have done things to bring Him shame or disappointment. I know I have hurt others (though I will say I do not usually do it intentionally - the exception to that is my divorce. I know there were times I was intentionally trying to hurt my ex). I am grateful for the free grace of Christ extended to me. But I am also keenly aware of my responsibility to that grace. I honor the gift, not taking it for granted. I am careful not to abuse it, not becuase I think God will zap me if I do, but becuase I am in relationship and I want to represent Him well. I don't want to stand before Him one day only to hear Him say "now who are you? I don't know you..."
I am not God and therefore am not the source of unlimited, unconditional grace and love. But I can say this: seems to me a very dangerous thing to think all sin or bad decisions in your life is negated by a flippant "please forgive me, God" or regular attendance at a church. As our Heavenly Father, seems to me that God would not be showing us love, nor justice (of which He is the perfect balance between) by letting us live like the devil and claim His grace. Seems to me Jesus should not be used as a personal endorsement to justify our selfish lives and choices. If I let my children do whatever they wanted or treat people however they wanted and never held them accountable or let them experience the consequences, then how much do I love them, really?
Christ tells us to come to Him as we are and let HIM clean us up. Not come as you are...you are just fine. We wouldn't need to come if we were not in need of some sort of fixing. You don't need a savior if there is nothing to save you from.
I welcome thoughts, comments, considerations....
Thursday, February 11, 2010
On Valentine's Day
I'm really looking forward to making some new Valentine's memories.
In the past, my ex seemed to always choose some sort of special occasion to drop a betrayal bomb on me. My birthday, our anniversary, ....but Valentine's Day seemed to be his choice more than once. It's left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. I know as well as you do that V Day was created by the greeting card cartel, really. Personally, I prefer $4 Kroger boquets several times a year for no reason to a $50 rose boquet on Valentine's...but it is nice to know your special someone takes a moment to reflect on what you mean to him and how grateful he is to have you in his life. And, vice versa.
I am so thankful God sent me Steve. I spent some time reading some of our early e-mails to one another. It made me smile to recall all those first meeting butterflies and the anticipation of a new romance. And reminded me to not let that go too easily. I want to feel that and stir that in him 20 years from now. I am grateful for the things we have in common and for our differences. So I am taking this Valentine's day to reflect upon that - to make sure I'm not taking it for granted. To celebrate it. And to replace the old memories surrounding this holiday with new ones more appropriate to the day. After all, God said in His Word that out of Faith, Hope, and Love, the greatest of the three was Love. I know He wasn't saying Eros, but Christ embodied love perfectly. I believe He embodied them all - Eros, Phileo, and Agape.
And that is what I will strive for this Valentine's day. To embody love to Steve, his boys, my boys, my friends and family. To reflect my Savior to the world.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! For believers: may you be His hands and feet of love to the lost. And may you know His love for you. His unfathomable love.
In the past, my ex seemed to always choose some sort of special occasion to drop a betrayal bomb on me. My birthday, our anniversary, ....but Valentine's Day seemed to be his choice more than once. It's left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. I know as well as you do that V Day was created by the greeting card cartel, really. Personally, I prefer $4 Kroger boquets several times a year for no reason to a $50 rose boquet on Valentine's...but it is nice to know your special someone takes a moment to reflect on what you mean to him and how grateful he is to have you in his life. And, vice versa.
I am so thankful God sent me Steve. I spent some time reading some of our early e-mails to one another. It made me smile to recall all those first meeting butterflies and the anticipation of a new romance. And reminded me to not let that go too easily. I want to feel that and stir that in him 20 years from now. I am grateful for the things we have in common and for our differences. So I am taking this Valentine's day to reflect upon that - to make sure I'm not taking it for granted. To celebrate it. And to replace the old memories surrounding this holiday with new ones more appropriate to the day. After all, God said in His Word that out of Faith, Hope, and Love, the greatest of the three was Love. I know He wasn't saying Eros, but Christ embodied love perfectly. I believe He embodied them all - Eros, Phileo, and Agape.
And that is what I will strive for this Valentine's day. To embody love to Steve, his boys, my boys, my friends and family. To reflect my Savior to the world.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! For believers: may you be His hands and feet of love to the lost. And may you know His love for you. His unfathomable love.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
General updates
I took a break from wedding planning. It's not easy to find summery, garden stuff in the middle of January in Ohio - LOL! I figured I'd wait until spring styles and decor starts coming out in a month or two to start again.
School is doing OK. Got my second wind for the next semester. I had the kids evaluate me so I have some goals to work on for myself plus we are getting in to my very favorite part of Biology - genetics. Read a really interesting article on a new area of research called epigenetics thanks to an old friend of mine from FHS named Heather (who is a doctor, by the way). It's about this research to find correlations between nurture and nature- and they seem to be finding more of a relationship than previously thought and more than Darwin allowed for. Hmmmm...
We are also performing "School House Rock Live" at the high school. What a fun little show! Brings back many fond Saturday morning memories for me. :) Anyone in our area, come see the show this weekend. Tix are only $5. You'll find info on the Lakota East High School website. It's a perfect show for kids of all ages!
Steve and I attended the Lakota East Jazz Band Swing Dance last weekend. WHAT FUN!!!! I want to learn how to do that more. It's nice to be with someone who is willing to try new things with me - even if he doesn't think he's good at them. We had a fun time and the bands were really very good!
Got news from Ethan's teacher today - he is doing very well. Still need to work on his handwriting and he still gets easily distracted, but overall tremendous improvement. And he is reading like gang busters! I'm noticing maturity in him, too. He's becoming an amazing young man.
Noah is as funny as ever. His imagination is just too much! I came home yesterday and he's created a "stage" area and playing rock star. In his underware. hahahahahaha! HILARIOUS!
My ex is being as frustrating as ever. He's not doing right by the kids or by me with the finances. Very sporadic and inconsistent with his contact with the boys. Please pray. For his salvation and for God to move him in whatever direction is best for me and Ethan and Noah.
We will be entering "birthday season" soon. Just about the time I get Christmas paid for! HAHAHAHA! Oh, well...
School is doing OK. Got my second wind for the next semester. I had the kids evaluate me so I have some goals to work on for myself plus we are getting in to my very favorite part of Biology - genetics. Read a really interesting article on a new area of research called epigenetics thanks to an old friend of mine from FHS named Heather (who is a doctor, by the way). It's about this research to find correlations between nurture and nature- and they seem to be finding more of a relationship than previously thought and more than Darwin allowed for. Hmmmm...
We are also performing "School House Rock Live" at the high school. What a fun little show! Brings back many fond Saturday morning memories for me. :) Anyone in our area, come see the show this weekend. Tix are only $5. You'll find info on the Lakota East High School website. It's a perfect show for kids of all ages!
Steve and I attended the Lakota East Jazz Band Swing Dance last weekend. WHAT FUN!!!! I want to learn how to do that more. It's nice to be with someone who is willing to try new things with me - even if he doesn't think he's good at them. We had a fun time and the bands were really very good!
Got news from Ethan's teacher today - he is doing very well. Still need to work on his handwriting and he still gets easily distracted, but overall tremendous improvement. And he is reading like gang busters! I'm noticing maturity in him, too. He's becoming an amazing young man.
Noah is as funny as ever. His imagination is just too much! I came home yesterday and he's created a "stage" area and playing rock star. In his underware. hahahahahaha! HILARIOUS!
My ex is being as frustrating as ever. He's not doing right by the kids or by me with the finances. Very sporadic and inconsistent with his contact with the boys. Please pray. For his salvation and for God to move him in whatever direction is best for me and Ethan and Noah.
We will be entering "birthday season" soon. Just about the time I get Christmas paid for! HAHAHAHA! Oh, well...
Monday, January 25, 2010
Honeymoon plans...
are confirmed and reservations made. And that's all I have to say about that! ;) My sweetie did REALLY WELL! It's going to be wonderfully relaxing and romantic! (giggle)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
wedding plans...
OK, now that the holidays are done (check) and the quarter is coming to a close with finals this week (check), I'm actually getting excited about planning my wedding! Who knew? Since we are doing this in June, and it's a second, it will be a casual, garden-themed party with family. We are planning a very lovely, meaningful service that involves all the kids, having a picnic style reception and dancing, dancing, dancing!
One thing that clinched the garden theme was my Monarchs. I have raised them since 1999 in MN. I miss them here in Ohio - oh we get a few towards the last third of the summer, but nothing like in MN. Those insects have been a source of pleasure and inspiration for me for years. They have made their way into my curriculum, into my decor, into my extra curricular activities, into my sermons, into my wardrobe, and into my life and heart. Oh, the lessons I have gleaned from these marvelous creatures. And I've decided to release some symbolically at my wedding.
They are a symbol of tenacity. Beating the odds, ahead of the fray. Of renewal - renewal of spirit, body, mind, and hope. A symbol of beauty and grace. Delicate yet strong. Attractive yet poisonous. I'm such a sucker for paradox! ;) Even the contrast of their orange wings against the backdrop of a clear blue sky - opposing colors - draws me.
We are also going to opt for a sand ceremony rather than a candle. I think it lends itself to a blended family better and can include the children more.
I will keep all of you posted on how the plans go complete with pics as appropriate and available. I wish I could throw a shin dig and have all of you who have played such an instrumental part in my life here with me. From Fairfield High School, to Lee University, to Minnesota - so many friends who are dear to me. I know you will be with me in spirit on June 12th, 2010 at 4:30PM! And I will be reflecting on how I am who I am partly because each of you planted a little bit of yourselves in my life somewhere along the line. Thank you. I love you all!
One thing that clinched the garden theme was my Monarchs. I have raised them since 1999 in MN. I miss them here in Ohio - oh we get a few towards the last third of the summer, but nothing like in MN. Those insects have been a source of pleasure and inspiration for me for years. They have made their way into my curriculum, into my decor, into my extra curricular activities, into my sermons, into my wardrobe, and into my life and heart. Oh, the lessons I have gleaned from these marvelous creatures. And I've decided to release some symbolically at my wedding.
They are a symbol of tenacity. Beating the odds, ahead of the fray. Of renewal - renewal of spirit, body, mind, and hope. A symbol of beauty and grace. Delicate yet strong. Attractive yet poisonous. I'm such a sucker for paradox! ;) Even the contrast of their orange wings against the backdrop of a clear blue sky - opposing colors - draws me.
We are also going to opt for a sand ceremony rather than a candle. I think it lends itself to a blended family better and can include the children more.
I will keep all of you posted on how the plans go complete with pics as appropriate and available. I wish I could throw a shin dig and have all of you who have played such an instrumental part in my life here with me. From Fairfield High School, to Lee University, to Minnesota - so many friends who are dear to me. I know you will be with me in spirit on June 12th, 2010 at 4:30PM! And I will be reflecting on how I am who I am partly because each of you planted a little bit of yourselves in my life somewhere along the line. Thank you. I love you all!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Friday, January 01, 2010
HAPPY 2010!
Fancy dinner at the White House Inn, quality time with my sweetie, a kiss at midnight...ah. New hope, new life, new year.
Song of Solomon 2:10-16 "My darling, my beautiful one, come along. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth...arise, my love, and come away...My beloved is mine and I am His."
Isaiah 54:4-8 "Do not be afraid: you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is His name (El-Shaddai) - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - 'a wife who married young, only to be rejected', says your God..."
Song of Solomon 2:10-16 "My darling, my beautiful one, come along. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth...arise, my love, and come away...My beloved is mine and I am His."Isaiah 54:4-8 "Do not be afraid: you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is His name (El-Shaddai) - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - 'a wife who married young, only to be rejected', says your God..."
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