What Love Has Done

New Blog

2010-06-04T12:13:00.002-04:00

I will be exporting Funderburk Follies to my new blog (new name, new life...). It's title will be What Love Has Done and it can be found at www.whatlovehasdoneforlori.blogspot.com.

This will be my last post at this blog. All the posts from here are moving and all additional posts will be found there. I will wait to delete this blog for a couple of months to allow people to see this information.

(giggle) I get married in 8 days!!!!!!

Love you all and hope to see you at whatlovehasdoneforlori!

Lori

Seasons Come and Go

2010-05-07T07:43:00.002-04:00

Ah...the end of a school year marks a change in mindset for all teachers. We turn into students as many of us attend professional development. We turn into domestic goddesses, finally catching up on projects around the house, doing the spring cleaning that most of us put off for grading papers, and actually cooking instead of ordering out. We finally find time for leisure reading, hobbies, or just hanging with the kids at the park or the pool. Just when we've had our fill of all that, it's time to jump back into the excitement and exhaustion of another school year.

I love teaching, but the political, financial, and community atmosphere of the last 2 years has really lowered my morale. I keep asking myself...why do I do this? I could be making more money at an easier job that recognizes my talents, skills, and appreciates my contribution. I get tired of being vilified by the community who THINKS they know what I do for a living, or looked at as a commodity to trade according to the whims of others. I tire of being a pawn for political manipulation. I'm exhausted from trying to meet the never ending demand of "more for less!" - all employees have their efficiency plateau. Teachers, it seems, are not allowed to have one. If they reach one level of productivity, well, then everyone seems to think they should be able to take that one more step... everyone seems to continue to expect BMW's at Pontiac prices. Or worse, many in the community are under the ridiculous impression that we are mere babysitters who work part time and are therefore overcompensated. It wears on the spirit, the work ethic, the professionalism. So why do I do it? I love it. I am gifted at it. I believe it is a vital, important job. Is there something else I could do? Absolutely. And I'd be wealthier financially. But I would not be as fulfilled. I would not feel the mandated purpose I feel now. Being a teacher, to me, is as important as being a parent. It's why I get up every morning. It fills my life with a mission. And I enjoy my clientele believe it or not. I did not choose teaching because it was an easy way to make a buck. I can name FAR easier professions. Visualize with me for a moment...you are attending your son or daughters sporting game, or practice, or rehearsal, or performance. If there is anyone sitting in the stands or in the audience doing work...who is it? A teacher. Teachers are not only "on" from 7 to 3. We are "on" 24/7...often doing work, answering e-mails, planning, spending our "free time" and our money on things for our students. Sometimes even to the neglect of our own families (i.e. report card week, week before a big concert or play, etc.)

If people want schools to be run like businesses, they had better be prepared to pay for it. As it is now, if the one thing that makes or breaks a school, your teachers, are considered overpaid...just wait until you have to pay us private sector prices. Right now, we are quite a bargain.

Enough of my tirade. Another season about to end for me is my season of singleness. It has been an important season for me. I've learned much about myself, my kids, my friends, my family, the body of Christ, and my God. Most of it has been good. I have also learned much about my previous 18 year relationship. Those were hard lessons. Hard to accept that much of what I thought or believed was simply untrue. That one person could go from best friend to worst enemy practically overnight. That someone you trusted implicitly could become the person you trust the least. That someone who you thought had your back was actually stabbing a knife in it. Betrayal is a bitter pill. It still lingers, creeps back into my heart and head from time to time. Its ever ready to consume me if I am not diligently working towards forgiveness.

This summer will be a whole new season...professionally, spiritually, relationally. I will be learning a new husband, new children, new domestic routines, all the while helping the other 5 members learn me and each other. No one said it was going to be easy...

But, then, I've never been one to take the easy road. ;)

Bring it on! I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me...

Signs of Spring in Southwest Ohio:

2010-05-03T14:51:00.002-04:00

1. rain
2. lilacs
3. bright green grass
4. warm/cold temp fluctuations
5. allergies
6. KINGS ISLAND!!!!!

been twice already - opening day and this last Saturday. I'm so glad my kids are roller coaster junkies.

By the way - I am down to about 40 days until my wedding. And I basically have all the big stuff done! Yeah, me!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

2010-04-20T12:07:00.002-04:00

Ah, my "last" show at Lakota East for a while. It's a big hit! The students have done very well, no major glitches, and the audience has responded favorably for all three shows we've done so far. I've decided not to take the supplemental contract next year - if it's even offered. Lakota is faced with a budget crisis and I am getting married and will instantly become a family of 6 and the stepmother of teenagers (eek!), so I'm circling the wagons so I can concentrate on what is most important. I hope to volunteer my services some, but this way I won't be required to put in the many hours of work that it takes to design, set, and execute the sound and lights. As my kids get older, I certainly hope to start getting back involved in community theater for myself. There is nothing quite like the stage. I miss it when I'm not doing it, then miss all my free time when I am! LOL!

Spring Candids...

2010-04-02T12:45:00.005-04:00

Spring has sprung...

Marsh Lake, Fairfield

I just couldn't resist getting a few dusk pictures.
Hamilton COG Easter Egg hunt

Good Quote

2010-04-02T12:20:00.001-04:00

I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun: not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else- C.S.Lewis

I have always like Mr. Lewis - Lori

Loss

2010-03-30T13:34:00.002-04:00

Wow. It's been an melencholy start to the week. First, a former student of mine lost her life in a tragic accident with a school but early Monday morning. It was the perfect storm: dark, rainy. The bus just did not see her. I feel for her family but also the bus driver.

It's made me stop and contemplate: am I reflecting Christ to my students? I get so little time with them. I know I cannot outright proselytize, but am I living clear enough that Christ shines through? This young lady was Cambodian and Buddist. Did she know Christ? Here is where I must trust in the character of my God. He is just, yes. But He is also love - the very definition of love. I cannot dare to speculate beyond that truth.

Second, my dear Grandma Bertha's heart is giving out on her. She has lived as a widow for nearly 8 years. Not only lived, but thrived. She did not let the death of my Grandpa Bill send her to her grave. She morned, she grieved, and she celebrated his home going. She is at peace, knowing completely what lies before her. She knows that soon, she will get to see Grandpa again. And her parents and siblings who have gone before her. And most of all...her Savior and the Lover of her soul. While my entire family rejoices with her on this level, there is a gloominess underlying the inevitable. We will miss her. Her smile, her giggle, her quiet strength and unwavering faith. As it is, we vow to cherish each moment of borrowed time we have left. And we pray for a quick home going - no lingering pain or discomfort.

Loss has a way of making you stop and take stock. What is important? What is critical. And more importantly...what is eternal? The answer to all three: your relationships. People.

I don't care if I never travel the world, live in a fancy house, drive an expensive car, have the "right" clothes or accessories. I don't care if I'm never famous or important to anyone except the people I love dearly. I consider myself very fortunate, indeed. I have more than my fair share of family and friends. I have lots of aquaintances, too. There are very few relationships I have made in my life that have ended. And really only one that ended badly - because of the other persons choosing. I think that is wonderful. I hope I never forget that people are eternal. Things are not.

I know I am not perfect in my relationships - I often wish I had the tenacity of my friend James Brooks when it comes to keeping in touch with all of my friends. Alas, I often rely on electronic correspondence. I suppose that is better than nothing, but it's not as personal as I wish I could be. And one drawback to having friends all over the country...I can't be there in body when they need me. But God can. And we will always be connected through our Father.

Awesome devotion...

2010-03-27T23:41:00.000-04:00

The Choice
by Max Lucado

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.

All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.

"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."

All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."

Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.

An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "

"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished. "Come, I will show you."

Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.

"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."

The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion.
Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.

"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."

"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."

A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"

The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."

The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.

"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.

"Yes."

"They will forget you?"

"Yes."

"They will reject you?"

"Yes."

"They will never come back?"

"Some will. Most won't."

"What will it take to make them listen?"

The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.

With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed.
Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.

He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.

"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.

"I will."

"Is there no other way?"

"There is not."

"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"

"It would," the Creator spoke slowly. "But to remove the choice is to remove the love."

He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.

Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.

Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.

Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless.
Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."

All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.

"It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.

But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday
scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.

The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "

The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."

They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one.
The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.

But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.

Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:

"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"

The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.

"It's eternal!" gasped another.

Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth's mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.

Now it's our choice.

From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado

2010-03-19T21:12:00.002-04:00

WARNING: VENTING SESSION. PAST ICKINESS COMING BACK OUT FOR A MOMENT.

I was reading on MSN's homepage how Sandra Bullock's husband has cheated on her with a porn "star" (if that's what you want to call them). I read his press released apology. I'm not defending him in any way - it's disgusting and low. But at least he owned it. Not one single excuse for his bad behavior, not one shred of "I'm a victim" or trying to justify the behavior. He called it for what it was and said he was sorry - not just for getting caught, but for embarrassing his wife, children and for causing them pain.

3 years ago, my "christian, minister" husband admitted to several instances if infidelity including paid "professionals". Still to this day, I've yet to hear any ownership or labeling it for what it was. Instead, I hear excuses. I hear about how he was a victim of God, how he "fell out of love", how me and the boys should just be over it since it was three years ago. No apologies. No shame. Only scapegoating. No recognition of the pain, humiliation, embarrassment caused to me, his children. No admittance to the wrongness of the whole thing. He even told me at one point he was NOT sorry for betraying me. How nice is that?

Yeah, it still stings. I trusted him. I had more faith in his integrity. Turns out, I was believing in a fairy tale for he has no integrity.

When I hear of sinners who act better than those who would claim the name of Christ, it makes me so heart sick. I know I cannot expect him to ever make amends, and yes, I still work hard to walk in forgiveness towards him even without him even acknowledging being wrong. But for Pete's sake...Jesse James did it right immediately and my "christian" ex still hasn't after 3 years.

Guess that whole story just stirred some things up that I needed to vent about. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of the crap pit God rescued me from to the wonderful place he has brought me now. He certainly has traded me Beauty for ashes. Hope for despair.

I also read a wonderful quote: No one falls in love by choice. It is by chance. No one fall out of love by chance. It is by choice.

I choose love. I choose Steve, Joe, and Ben. I choose my kids. I choose my family. I choose the many friends I have made throughout my life.

Most of all...I choose Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for choosing me. I love you. And I am in love with you.

2010-03-10T22:25:00.004-05:00

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1213729155494&ref=mf

Check out this video posted by my high school choir director, Mr. Prior! I had the best senior year! Many of these peers were like family to me and I still stay in contact with several of them. I saw Mr. Prior on my birthday weekend and he even remembered the car I drove in high school! Anyway, this is me singing a solo at a concert in 1989. Hope you enjoy it.

My Birthday

2010-03-08T22:38:00.002-05:00

I had the most GLORIOUS birthday weekend I've had in a long time! Saturday morning began with a good workout, Ethan's basketball game, and my sweetheart surprising me with Starbucks! (Have I mentioned how much I looooooooooove Starbucks?) Then we went to see Joe Wegman play in the OMEA Honors Orchestra in the early afternoon. Later a bit of impromptu shoe shopping (impromptu because my children will wear their shoes until their toes are poking through before they will say anything - an unfortunate trait that cost me over $70 in the end because of limited selection and size in some stores...). Steve picked me up at 5:30 and took me to eat Indian food (YUUUUUUMMMMMMY) and THEN to Fairfield's Crystal Classic Show Choir Competition! OH WHAT FUN!!!! Brought back a lot of memories from my days as a Choralier. The choirs are bigger, the sets, costumes and props are much more elaborate, and now they have full, live bands and their own tech crews. Boy are they spoiled! LOL!

The best part of the whole weekend was just getting to spend a lot of time with my love. God has seen fit to bless me with someone so amazing as a partner. I am grateful and overwhelmed some days. I honestly never thought I'd be able to love again like I did the first time. It's so amazing and different to have someone love you equally in return...I cannot wait to be Steve's wife. :)

Heck, if Steve manages to make every year feel this special, then I'm going to have no trouble at all growing old... ;)

A question for the audience

2010-02-28T21:17:00.002-05:00

If any of you have been remarried with children or been a part of an effort to blend a yours and mine situation, I would like some insight and wisdom on relationship dynamics. How to counteract the competition factor. How to see the new family as a complete family and not two autonomous entities living under the same roof. How to date and nurture the husband/wife relationship when children are a part of the equation.

I'm stuggling with the becoming one aspect of all of this. How do you do it with children? Should we remain autonomous? Can a blended family follow the same biblical model as a natural made one - where the marriage relationship is first and priority or should the children be first?

Any thoughts from those who have been there?

Wise as Serpents...Harmless as Doves

2010-02-27T18:31:00.004-05:00

I am learning that although I want to be honest and deal with all people rightly, that not everyone appreciates or rewards that. In fact, there are many who lie in wait to exploit it.

Alas, I don't like this lesson. However, it may have saved me from a fatal financial error this week. We shall see.

I do have to thank God above for two angels he has watching over me: my mom and my fiance. Sometimes we entertain angels AWARE. When we are too emotional to hear the Spirit's voice, He uses others who can cut through the clamor - if we are smart enough to stop and listen. I'm not a genius...but I'm at least THAT smart. :)

So, with their help, I enjoyed a moment where I was wise as a serpent. I was assertive, yet respectful and harmless as a dove. As granny always said..."you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!"

mmmmmmm....honey...... ;)

Fruit Inspection and Grace

2010-02-20T15:36:00.001-05:00

There have been two people in my life of late who has caused me to really reflect on some theological questions. Interested in feedback or thoughts.

The grace of Christ is free, but is it cheap? In other words, can/does Christ offer forgiveness to those who willfully sin with an attitude of "I can't help it so I'm not going to try" or an attitude of "I will enjoy my sin until it runs it's course then I'll ask forgiveness and all will be well"?

Does someone who sins and harms others while doing it get the privilege of their slate being wiped clean if they do repent? Are they still not responsible for the consequences of their actions? Are they still not accountable to those they wronged?

In Matthew, Christ instructs us that making things right with our brothers and sisters is a precursor to offering praise. So, if someone claims to be a Christian now, or be attending church, but have made NO efforts to seek forgiveness for sins committed towards another, and continues to live in such a way to harm another with no efforts to change or make that right, then are they truly a Christian? The Bible does tell us to be careful how we judge, for we cannot know the heart of others...but it also clearly outlines the type of fruit you should see in the life and attitudes of one who has come under the Lordship of Christ.

It seems to me that many "church people" find it all too easy to use Jesus as an anesthesiologist instead of a surgeon. They don't want Him to get in there and dig around and remove parts of them or cause them to die to themselves. They just want to be comfortably numb. They use him as a way to avoid responsibility and accountability. And instead of seeing their actions and thoughts in the light of God's holiness and realizing their need to change, they'd rather view them under the rose colored glasses of grace and use it as an excuse NOT to change (God loves me just like I am) .

Where is the balance? God is Love. Yes. God is merciful. yes. But God is Holy, holy, holy. I don't want to go back to legalism, but the permissiveness that seems to be pervasive in the church makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, grace is free to get. But doesn't it cost us something to keep? Doesn't Paul outline that to us in his instructions:BE YE TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind...? Doesn't' that seem to indicate that we have some responsibility in the relationship? Not that we can save ourselves or ever be good enough. Not to go so far as salvation by works. But I cannot bring myself to accepting the theology of "greasy grace", either.

Paradox always gets me. On one hand, grace is not grace if it is stipulated. On the other, Christ is a rock of offense and clearly expects more of us. The closest thing in this life to explain this is the parent/child relationship. I love my kids. I can be angry with them. Dissapointed in them. Downright mad at them. I can expect more, discipline, correct and punish. But I still love them. And I will still extend forgiveness and grace to them. But I will hold them accountable. I'm dealing with this in Ethan right now. He seems to always be "accidently" hurting his brother. He will do something, say he's sorry and ask forgiveness, then get angry at Noah if Noah is not willing to just forgive and forget about it. But where is Ethan's heart? Is he truly sorry? My guess is no - for he is right back doing the very same thing within hours...sometimes minutes and right back to expecting no consequences if 1) he claims it was an accident and 2) he apologizes and asks for forgiveness.

I believe I am in covenant with Christ. I know I have done things to bring Him shame or disappointment. I know I have hurt others (though I will say I do not usually do it intentionally - the exception to that is my divorce. I know there were times I was intentionally trying to hurt my ex). I am grateful for the free grace of Christ extended to me. But I am also keenly aware of my responsibility to that grace. I honor the gift, not taking it for granted. I am careful not to abuse it, not becuase I think God will zap me if I do, but becuase I am in relationship and I want to represent Him well. I don't want to stand before Him one day only to hear Him say "now who are you? I don't know you..."

I am not God and therefore am not the source of unlimited, unconditional grace and love. But I can say this: seems to me a very dangerous thing to think all sin or bad decisions in your life is negated by a flippant "please forgive me, God" or regular attendance at a church. As our Heavenly Father, seems to me that God would not be showing us love, nor justice (of which He is the perfect balance between) by letting us live like the devil and claim His grace. Seems to me Jesus should not be used as a personal endorsement to justify our selfish lives and choices. If I let my children do whatever they wanted or treat people however they wanted and never held them accountable or let them experience the consequences, then how much do I love them, really?

Christ tells us to come to Him as we are and let HIM clean us up. Not come as you are...you are just fine. We wouldn't need to come if we were not in need of some sort of fixing. You don't need a savior if there is nothing to save you from.

I welcome thoughts, comments, considerations....

On Valentine's Day

2010-02-11T23:43:00.000-05:00

I'm really looking forward to making some new Valentine's memories.

In the past, my ex seemed to always choose some sort of special occasion to drop a betrayal bomb on me. My birthday, our anniversary, ....but Valentine's Day seemed to be his choice more than once. It's left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. I know as well as you do that V Day was created by the greeting card cartel, really. Personally, I prefer $4 Kroger boquets several times a year for no reason to a $50 rose boquet on Valentine's...but it is nice to know your special someone takes a moment to reflect on what you mean to him and how grateful he is to have you in his life. And, vice versa.

I am so thankful God sent me Steve. I spent some time reading some of our early e-mails to one another. It made me smile to recall all those first meeting butterflies and the anticipation of a new romance. And reminded me to not let that go too easily. I want to feel that and stir that in him 20 years from now. I am grateful for the things we have in common and for our differences. So I am taking this Valentine's day to reflect upon that - to make sure I'm not taking it for granted. To celebrate it. And to replace the old memories surrounding this holiday with new ones more appropriate to the day. After all, God said in His Word that out of Faith, Hope, and Love, the greatest of the three was Love. I know He wasn't saying Eros, but Christ embodied love perfectly. I believe He embodied them all - Eros, Phileo, and Agape.

And that is what I will strive for this Valentine's day. To embody love to Steve, his boys, my boys, my friends and family. To reflect my Savior to the world.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! For believers: may you be His hands and feet of love to the lost. And may you know His love for you. His unfathomable love.

General updates

2010-01-26T18:44:00.000-05:00

I took a break from wedding planning. It's not easy to find summery, garden stuff in the middle of January in Ohio - LOL! I figured I'd wait until spring styles and decor starts coming out in a month or two to start again.

School is doing OK. Got my second wind for the next semester. I had the kids evaluate me so I have some goals to work on for myself plus we are getting in to my very favorite part of Biology - genetics. Read a really interesting article on a new area of research called epigenetics thanks to an old friend of mine from FHS named Heather (who is a doctor, by the way). It's about this research to find correlations between nurture and nature- and they seem to be finding more of a relationship than previously thought and more than Darwin allowed for. Hmmmm...

We are also performing "School House Rock Live" at the high school. What a fun little show! Brings back many fond Saturday morning memories for me. :) Anyone in our area, come see the show this weekend. Tix are only $5. You'll find info on the Lakota East High School website. It's a perfect show for kids of all ages!

Steve and I attended the Lakota East Jazz Band Swing Dance last weekend. WHAT FUN!!!! I want to learn how to do that more. It's nice to be with someone who is willing to try new things with me - even if he doesn't think he's good at them. We had a fun time and the bands were really very good!

Got news from Ethan's teacher today - he is doing very well. Still need to work on his handwriting and he still gets easily distracted, but overall tremendous improvement. And he is reading like gang busters! I'm noticing maturity in him, too. He's becoming an amazing young man.

Noah is as funny as ever. His imagination is just too much! I came home yesterday and he's created a "stage" area and playing rock star. In his underware. hahahahahaha! HILARIOUS!

My ex is being as frustrating as ever. He's not doing right by the kids or by me with the finances. Very sporadic and inconsistent with his contact with the boys. Please pray. For his salvation and for God to move him in whatever direction is best for me and Ethan and Noah.

We will be entering "birthday season" soon. Just about the time I get Christmas paid for! HAHAHAHA! Oh, well...

Honeymoon plans...

2010-01-25T14:50:00.000-05:00

are confirmed and reservations made. And that's all I have to say about that! ;) My sweetie did REALLY WELL! It's going to be wonderfully relaxing and romantic! (giggle)

wedding plans...

2010-01-14T15:47:00.000-05:00

OK, now that the holidays are done (check) and the quarter is coming to a close with finals this week (check), I'm actually getting excited about planning my wedding! Who knew? Since we are doing this in June, and it's a second, it will be a casual, garden-themed party with family. We are planning a very lovely, meaningful service that involves all the kids, having a picnic style reception and dancing, dancing, dancing!

One thing that clinched the garden theme was my Monarchs. I have raised them since 1999 in MN. I miss them here in Ohio - oh we get a few towards the last third of the summer, but nothing like in MN. Those insects have been a source of pleasure and inspiration for me for years. They have made their way into my curriculum, into my decor, into my extra curricular activities, into my sermons, into my wardrobe, and into my life and heart. Oh, the lessons I have gleaned from these marvelous creatures. And I've decided to release some symbolically at my wedding.

They are a symbol of tenacity. Beating the odds, ahead of the fray. Of renewal - renewal of spirit, body, mind, and hope. A symbol of beauty and grace. Delicate yet strong. Attractive yet poisonous. I'm such a sucker for paradox! ;) Even the contrast of their orange wings against the backdrop of a clear blue sky - opposing colors - draws me.

We are also going to opt for a sand ceremony rather than a candle. I think it lends itself to a blended family better and can include the children more.

I will keep all of you posted on how the plans go complete with pics as appropriate and available. I wish I could throw a shin dig and have all of you who have played such an instrumental part in my life here with me. From Fairfield High School, to Lee University, to Minnesota - so many friends who are dear to me. I know you will be with me in spirit on June 12th, 2010 at 4:30PM! And I will be reflecting on how I am who I am partly because each of you planted a little bit of yourselves in my life somewhere along the line. Thank you. I love you all!

Clifton Mill

2010-01-03T21:15:00.005-05:00

If you like lights, this is a place to visit!!!!

HAPPY 2010!

2010-01-01T14:14:00.003-05:00

Fancy dinner at the White House Inn, quality time with my sweetie, a kiss at midnight...ah. New hope, new life, new year.
Song of Solomon 2:10-16 "My darling, my beautiful one, come along. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth...arise, my love, and come away...My beloved is mine and I am His."

Isaiah 54:4-8 "Do not be afraid: you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is His name (El-Shaddai) - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - 'a wife who married young, only to be rejected', says your God..."

fallout?

2009-12-31T13:38:00.001-05:00

I've been contemplating today. I think I am beginning to recognize one of the scars left on my heart from my divorce. Rejection. I anticipate it. I am a bit hypersensitive to it. I now have a tendency to feel it even when it doesn't really exist. If something negative happens, I tend to wrap it around this theme of rejection.

A good example: I went back to my vocal therapist yesterday. I've been experiencing some anomalies with my voice...tiredness, slight hoarseness (not like before, but a weird glitch or catch in my voice in the upper register/transition notes). I was hoping the verdict would be lack of sleep, too much caffeine, not enough water - things I can control. Instead, I have a sulcus, or scar left from the surgery.

What does this mean? I don't know. It may mean my singing days and theater days are over. This makes me tremendously sad - beyond what I can even express. It may mean I have to learn ways around it. It may be correctable with the right procedure and right doctor. But a lot of that depends on price, etc. Immediately, I feel rejected by God. I feel as if He is taking away a talent and pleasure He blessed me with and I have been careful to use to glorify Him for these many years.

Why do I jump right to rejection? Why, if someone important to me is having a bad day, do I feel rejected? Why, if someone corrects my children or can't handle their energy and needs them to calm down, do I feel rejected? Why, if a friend is not particularly talkative, or doesn't seem interested in meeting me for lunch, do I feel rejected? Why, when my children are rejected for some awkward social behavior,do I feel also rejected? I believe this is fallout from my ordeal that I am going to have to learn some coping mechanisms for.

I guess I knew, deep down, there would be fallout. There would be scars. There would be emotional leftovers that I will deal with for a while. I just hoped it was nothing huge or overwhelming. This feels a little overwhelming for me. I'm not used to being as emotionally crippled as I have for the past almost 3 years. I've always considered myself a rather stable and healthy person who is able to consider the many sides of a circumstance and logically override my feelings - eventually. I bounce back. But this tendency to immediately feel rejected has caught me off guard and I'm not sure what to do about it from here. As they say, recognition is the first step.And the length of time that I have been rehabilitating is hard for me. I'm a destination girl, not a journey girl. Patience is not one of my stronger areas.:)

I do remember a times earlier in my life that I felt rejection really keenly like this. And, of course, usually it was during a time that I was having to deal with Rob's porn and emotional/spiritual betrayal. I also remember pouring my heart out to the Lord and Him telling me "I'm letting you feel this so you can help others who do". In other words, He was letting me know this feeling is not unique to me...most of us feel it. Perhaps my heightened awareness is a message that I need to reach out to others and do more to make sure others do not feel rejected by me.

It is a good reminder...even the most composed, confident, poised, "all together" person around us feels rejected and vulnerable sometimes. We should all remember to pour ourselves out to others as much as we can.

2009-12-31T13:16:00.000-05:00

Christmas with the Wegmans...

Steve bought me a spa day and the Star Trek movie....our first date! (heart)

The boys all flew in to building the legos while I worked on cookies.

Later, it was off to Doug and Lisa's (Steve's niece)

All in all, a nice preview of Christmases to come. :)

Holiday Greetings

2009-12-24T00:01:00.002-05:00

No Christmas Cards this year, folks...nor a newsletter. You've been with me throughout the year on FB, my blog, and via e-mail, so there is no big news you are not aware of. And I can share more love electronically. So have a blessed holiday season all of you! You are in the thoughts and prayers of Lori, Ethan, and Noah. We love you all very much. May the miracle of Christmas stay with you throughout the new year - Emmanuel has come and dwelt among us, has become one of us. What love would leave the glory of Heaven for the confines of Earth? A perfect, unconditional love. Agape love.

Noah the donkey - Hamilton COG program

Ethan sang his heart out this year! HCOG program

Silly brothers - HGOG

Santa Noah

Santa Ethan

Ethan got a speaking part at school this year: Penguin #4 (Ridgeway elementary program)

Penguin #4 mugging for the camera (school program)

people who dress their dogs are a little weird (ahem - Brandon, Carla, Steve...) Here dad poses with Lola who clearly thinks she's people.

the tree at HCOG - the ladies always decorate them so nicely.

Donkey Noah

Ethan wanted to be sure I saw him! LOL!

Back at Niedermans...

The rest of the family festivities conclude this week. More pics will follow!

Thanksgiving images

2009-12-22T10:30:00.001-05:00

Noah's daycare did a little play and dinner for parents before Thanksgiving. It was cute - Noah was a pilgrim.

Of course, it wasn't very politically correct...here the pilgrims are celebrating "Indian style" complete with hopping and whooping...

Then all the kids got to say what they were thankful for. Noah was thankful for mommy and his toys. :)

The daycare workers put an entire thanksgiving spread together - it was delicious! I took off for 4th and 5th period so I could join Noah for lunch.

I got to spend a lot of wonderful, quality time with my love over the weekend while the boys were with their dad. Of course, we did a lot of texting... Ah, romance in the 21st century! LOL!

Holiday Train Display

2009-12-22T10:13:00.001-05:00

A local family owns a farm and has a train aficionado who has built a barn dedicated almost entirely to his hobby. He used it this year as a fund raiser for Children's Hospital...it was really incredible. The photos don't do it justice.

Leaf fun

2009-12-21T23:22:00.002-05:00

Not sure how I missed these pics, but they are so much fun! I came home from school one day to find my boys playing in the leaves Grandpa was desperately trying to blow from the yard...he was finally successful but it took much longer than normal. Especially when mommy jumped out of the car and begin to play along... :)

The Old is New Again...

2009-12-21T22:58:00.002-05:00

When I first started dating again, I went back through my blog and pulled out several entries whose topics were more emotional as I went through my journey. My intention was not to "hide" what had happened to me, but God had brought such healing to my heart and unless you had been "on the ride with me" so to speak, I was afraid those moments in time would be misconstrued. That any man I might meet who was interested in getting to know me might read my blog and not understand the timeline of the entries and think that these were snapshots of where I was today. I thought they might think it was still emotional baggage I was hanging on to rather than read it for what it was - a woman dealing with her baggage and moving on.

I went back today and added those posts back. 1)what a testimony of God's grace and my journey. 2)I had more people tell me what a blessing my honesty and transparency was to them as I chronicled. 3)I am comfortable with my relationship with Steve and have shared pretty much everything with him and I know he understands that where I came from over the past 2.5 years has helped make me into the woman he has fallen in love with. So, for any of you who are interested, scroll back through and pick up some of those very raw entries...it may help you to understand the miracle of who I am and where I am right now even better.

And give HIM the glory for it all. Hind sight is always 20/20...but when the pieces are recorded you can see the big picture even more clear. And it is an amazing one that I can take NO credit for - absolutely none. I tried every way I could to screw it up and still Jesus Christ found a way to restore, renew. How DOES He do it? :)

I love Him. more and more and more... What a wonderful husband He has been to me. I hope I don't loose sight of that as I gain another earthly husband. I know I will be a much better wife for Steve if I keep my relationship with Christ as #1.

new title

2009-12-21T08:58:00.005-05:00

Friends....for now you will still find my blog at funderburk follies. However, with my upcoming nuptials, I am exploring new possibilities that would not include a last name, seeing as how my last name will be different from my children's. Ugh. Not looking forward to that confusion, but I am looking forward to marrying Steve. For now, I was sitting listening to my ipod and U2's song "Window in the Skies" came on and I started reflecting...Love has truly done some miraculous things in my life and the life of my boys. The love of Christ has allowed me to release hatred and bitterness and actually look back at the last 17 years and cherish the good memories. The love of Christ allows me to walk in forgiveness - toward myself and toward Rob or any other person who has wronged me. The Love of Christ has protected my children and will keep them from becoming statistics. The Love of Christ has healed my heart to love again and brought me Steve, Joe, and Ben. The Love of Christ has restored, renewed, and revived. Oh, can't you see what Love has done? What it's doing to me? That whole song is a wonderful description of what Love has done in my life.

I will keep you all posted if the url address changes. I don't know if I can change that so that I don't loose all the posts, or if I just have to start a new blog... I'll have to contact blogger to find out.

Niederman's Farm (the day Steve asked me to be his bride)

2009-12-15T22:22:00.008-05:00

Not a bad "little" family we are all going to make...

A bunch of "posers"... (hee, hee)

Awwww...da widdle soft, fuzzy wabbits

I imagine life is going to feel like this some days with 4 boys in the house together! :)

Christkindlemarkdt and deer feeding...

2009-12-15T21:29:00.005-05:00

A fun day as a family out with the Wegmans...

I know a certain person who shall remain nameless (James Brooks) who would love to shoot a deer with a rack like that...
Noah and I enjoyed the deer up close and personal

Ethan liked feeding the babies. He hung on to his carrot for dear life so they wouldn't take the whole thing.

Swinging at Germania Park - Chriskindlemarkdt. Very German and Christmasy - fun! Mom and dad joined us. Love Noah's face here. He's trying to get as high as "bubba" beside him.

There was a fun and very talented marionette puppeteer.

Ben, ever generous, bought both of my boys a little toy at one of the vendor's booths. Noah's was a spinny, light up thing he fondly referred to as "the toy of death". Don't ask...I have NO idea. But we've laughed at that one for a while. A lot like the butt cream comment of months ago. Noah, Noah, Noah...you certainly have a unique perspective on the world! :)

Ah....German pastries.....

Noah the sheep farmer. He actually did a pretty good job brushing this one. They had a petting zoo with very kid-friendly animals and things to do with them (leashes to lead them around on, brushes, etc.)

Ben caught a chicken. Noah tried - they were too fast. Ethan wants to pet them, but doesn't want to hold them.

Ethan is really coming to love Ben a lot. He told me he can't wait until we move in with Ben. LOL! Forget Joe, Steve, the whole marriage thing...he just wants to live with Ben. :)

Thanksgiving

2009-11-30T12:34:00.002-05:00

I spent a lot of time reflecting this weekend. Partially because I was actually kid-free for several days allowing me the luxury to just sit and think. Another part was because my fiance Steve was also kid-free for a couple of days so I was able to spend many hours with him just talking and hanging out.

I am overwhelmed at God's provision, His mercy, His plan. When Steve and I compare our stories and our timeline, there are so many things that point to God having our backs that it simply is amazing. Seems our spouses began their betrayals within months of each other. Mine took longer to come clean, but their hearts left their God and their families around the same time. And now I can look at so many little steps, decisions made, events, words spoken to me from times of prayer...all gently leading me here. To this time. To this place. To this person Steve.

I had a good marriage. So did Steve. Both of us poured our hearts and souls into the relationship and the family...and it wasn't enough for our respective spouses. Nothing would have been. They left in spite of our best, in spite of our surrender to Christ and our utter commitment and loyalty to them. Some people just can't handle that kind of love I suppose. But now we are free to express that to one another. And I cannot begin to tell you the difference...the difference in Steve's response to my expressions of love to him, the difference in how he expresses his love to me. Surely this is the mystery referred to in the Bible - how marriage reflects the love of Christ towards His church, His people.

It helps me to not feel as much anger and hurt towards Rob. Honestly, I feel so sorry for him...and for Steve's ex. Oh, what they are missing out on! Any anger I feel now stems more from the pain the children experience - I don't see it outright in my two since they were little when Rob left and are still rather little. But I see and hear the struggle first hand in Joe and Ben. My heart just aches for all of them and I have to remember that God can and does use pain...if it can bring these 4 boys to Christ, or make their hearts more in tune with His, then so be it. Ultimately, our pain and our trials here are nothing compared to the glory that awaits us if we allow Christ to purge, mold, work in us...even through tears.

I hope and pray that while Steve is not Ethan and Noah's dad, and I am not Joe and Ben's mom, that the two of us will reflect Christ in our relationship and our relationships with them so much so to ease some of the pain of loosing 1/2 of their biological parents. If we can model a Christ centered life, and a Christ centered relationship, and a Christ centered family, and allow Christ to use us as His hands and feet towards our children to ease some of their suffering and restore their hope and security, then that will truly be an honor.

As I reflected this weekend, God brought to my remembrance several prophetic words given me in the summer and fall of 07, and allowed me some new confirmations that I am on the right path. That joining families with the Wegman's is pleasing to Him and will bring Him glory. Sigh. God is so good. His mercy ENDURES FOREVER. I can say that now, at this point in my life, I am just beginning to understand that I will never fully understand it. God's love and grace and mercy - the Word speaks of how deep, unfathomable, mysterious, unconditional, everlasting it all is. How human eyes have not seen and ears have not heard and minds have not comprehended the richness and completeness of God. It makes me long for Heaven and to be in His presence. Maranatha, Lord Jesus!

fyi: concerning updates

2009-11-23T00:27:00.001-05:00

I had saved some posts that I started way back as drafts. finished them this weekend and learned that drafts post wherever you start them... so there are a few new entries back in September that you might have missed...

2009-11-22T22:17:00.002-05:00

Late, I know. But here is our Fall Festival/Halloween pics...

My mom's facility always has a trick or treat the week before and the kids really enjoy it... Ethan and Noah were pirates this year. Mostly because I thought it would be cute...and I found pirate accessories at the dollar store!
Always a treat to have cousins join! These are my sister, Holly's kids...Drew, Brianna, and Destiny.

For Halloween night, our church has a big festival. Ethan tied his shoes for the first time! Thanks, Steve, for the encouragement!

Both boys wanted their faces painted...I talked them into continuing with the pirate theme...

I just love their pirate faces! These are going to be great graduation or wedding photos! :) (evil laugh...yes...you KNOW I would!)

Cox Arboretum and Wright Patterson AFB Museum

2009-11-12T14:56:00.006-05:00

Area 51?

Inside a cargo plane

always with the bunny ears...

Engagement

2009-10-26T11:04:00.002-04:00

Saturday, October 24, 2009: Steve Wegman, his boys, myself and my boys all went to celebrate the fall at Niederman Farm in West Chester. As the boys ran off to play, Steve and I sat down at a picnic table and he pulled out a beautiful ring and asked me to be his wife! He later recreated the moment in front of all the boys so they would be a part of it. I thought that was so wonderfully creative and considerate! He even got down on one knee! All the boys clapped and were very excited. Ethan, at first, thought maybe it wasn't' real so he asked "wait a minute...did you really ask her or were you just faking?" HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I remember Michelle Smith of RLC over at my house with all the other wonderful ladies supporting me right after Rob left and telling me for some reason she kept sensing the number "3" when she prayed for me. She had no idea if it was because there were 3 of us (myself, Ethan and Noah) or what, but had a strong sense it meant "3 years". This summer, when we plan to wed, will be 3 years after Rob left.

God is faithful and a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Oh, how He loves you and me!

Personality Profile

2009-10-23T08:47:00.004-04:00

A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far, away...) when Rob and I first began counseling (like 1999 or 2000 I believe) the first order of business was to take in depth personality profiles. Our counselor, Dr. Sigvertson, was wonderful in interpreting these from a standpoint of how we think as individuals, how we process events and situations, and how we relate and communicate to one another as a couple. It did wonders for our relationship at the time - when both of us were working towards the common goal of improving ourselves and the marriage.

It also helped me to deal with disappointments and future hurts as I understood how my mind works. And how that relates to my spiritual side. Dr. Sig is very talented at looking at the info and data clinically, then interpreting what it means through the Truth of God's Word. This information armed me to not only be better in my dealings with my intimate relationships, but co workers, acquaintances, and also my relationship with Christ. Once I understood MYSELF better, I didn't have to figure everyone else out! Amazing, huh?! LOL!

I learned enough from the years of counseling to know this: information is key. And any couple wanting to keep their relationship strong and healthy would do well to have this information in their toolbox - not to change and manipulate each other, but to understand, empathize and work cooperatively and respectfully with one another as we grow. That is why I was more than pleased when Steve agreed enthusiastically to take this same profile.

Last night we had a phone conference with Dr. Sigvertson as he refreshed me on my results and explained Steve's results to him. To summarize, the end result is that we are both almost perfect compliments! Our similarities were in resolution, not storage - we both were strong in our ability to eventually realize the difference between emotions/feelings and truth and choose truth. Dr. Sig was able to point out where conflict may occur due to our differences in processing and perception, and also help us start to think of ways to deal with those things in healthy, productive and proactive ways.

I am so excited about my future with this man! God is amazing. It's almost as if He designed Steve with me in mind! Isn't it wonderful how He loves us?

Abstract Art?

2009-10-22T12:03:00.003-04:00

I don't consider myself an artist, really...nor do I feel I have a good eye for pictures. But I was at setwork for Midsummer Night's Dream earlier this week and this is what I saw in my paint tray. I thought "huh. That's kind of cool looking". Now throw in some vary random and deep-sounding name like "The Futility of Struggle" and voila! Abstract Art. I'll even sign it with illegible handwriting.

Do I hear a $10,000...going once, going twice....

Starving artist my eye... :)

Math and Science Exam Answers

2009-10-22T11:55:00.004-04:00

I put these on my Facebook page as well - they are too funny not to share! Enjoy!

Fall Portraits

2009-10-11T00:59:00.004-04:00

Fall Miscellany

2009-09-21T15:45:00.006-04:00

On the way to one last KI engagement

Noah talkin' to his peeps

My ring and my Starbucks...

Noah at a flag football practice

We found this crayfish getting ready for winter...

Enjoying a meal at Friches

Fall foliage

In line for a ride at Steve's company picnic

enjoying hors d'oeuvres

Joe and I shaking our booties at Lisa's wedding

me and my boys lookin' "spiffy"

Flag Football

2009-09-21T15:44:00.014-04:00

Ethan played flag football through the Upward program this year. I saw a big difference in him as the season progressed! A special thank you to his coach for pouring himself out for these boys...Ethan soaks it up.

This is an awesome program. Very good for Ethan. Very time consuming, but I think it was worth it.

Labor Day

2009-09-21T15:44:00.007-04:00

Brandon and Carla hosted a great get-together for Labor Day on their new deck - nicely done with a fireplace insert and roof over half of it. Great setting for entertainment.

Cousin Destiny
My lady killer, Noah

Ethan contemplating Corn Hole...become the beanbag....

The hosts busy at the BBQ

More Summer Fun at King's Island

2009-09-21T15:43:00.005-04:00

More summer fun with some of my favorite people...the Pate's and the Wegman's!

The Scrambler - and oldie but a goodie

Steve enjoys cutting up with the boys. Here is a little payback for all the bunny ears bestowed upon us...

Noah is a favorite of all the ladies... :)

What an adorable face!

I LOVE this picture of Ethan on the Vortex!

All I Want For Christmas...

2009-09-21T15:42:00.002-04:00

State Fair and COSI with the Wegmans

2009-09-21T14:52:00.056-04:00

Relient K - GREAT CONCERT!!!! Imagine a 38 year old mother of 2 jumping up and down and dancing in the aisle... yep. Not afraid to admit it!
This illusionist had the boys going for quite a while with a trick - he'd fix it so Noah could do it very easily but the 3 older boys couldn't. They could NOT figure out how the 4 year old was beating them! It was hilarious!

Ice cream at the dairy barn - nuthin' better!

Fair food: corn dogs (momma had a gyro!)

The giant slide is always a favorite. Ethan was so good with his little brother - helping him carry a sack up the long stairs and making sure he rode with him. Even held his hand in the line! So sweet! (Noah is behind Ethan in this pic)

This was a giant mural that kids could paint. All the boys spent quite a while here having some fun being creative.

All of us outside COSI - as cool as the Science Museum of MN...but farther away :(

Steve is an excellent photographer. Where I was unable to get the entire skeleton when I visited last, he knew just what angle to shoot at. This sculpture is so cool!

The older boys were enjoying the hands-on laser exhibit.

Noah and I discovered the power of pullies.

More machine power...this time levers and counter weights - the boys are lifting a truck. A real truck.

Steve snapped this shot of me doing what I do...checking out the bugs in the native plant area. I like this photo...makes me feel pretty. :)

This machine was a lot of fun - shot balls out the top. Kids were running everywhere catching them and putting them back in the machine.

The ride started out fun, but got a bit taxing by the end. For everyone. :) We survived, though...and learned.

Happiness is...

2009-09-21T14:30:00.001-04:00

Armstrong Air and Space Museum, Aug. 09

2009-09-13T21:18:00.005-04:00

On our way home from Put In Bay, we were able to squeeze in a very fast visit to the Neil Armstrong Museum...I plan to go back some day. It was really cool! And, of course, a wonderful tribute to an amazing Ohioan.

The boys, of course, had to try out every simulator...

Astronaut Noah

Astronaut Ethan

Here the boys are posing with Mr. Armstrong's space suit

And if I remember correctly, this is Buzz Aldrin's suit

And here I am as close as I will ever be to fulfilling my dream as a Star Fleet Commander... :)
I'm SUCH a nerd! :)

Steve Wegman

2009-09-13T18:47:00.002-04:00

Thoughts on healing...

2009-09-11T10:04:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't caught up with all the photos and events of the summer, but I had to take a moment and express some thoughts that have been in this brain for a while and just share where Jesus has brought me.

2 years ago, I experienced the worst pain I can ever imagine. My heart felt ripped apart, trampled, utterly destroyed. I honestly did not think I would ever recover or ever be normal again. I certainly did not think I'd ever trust or love anyone like I did Rob. I feared the scars he left me would be permanent features of who I am, controlling my future and my destiny in ways I didn't want them to. I felt helpless, hopeless, lost.

Slowly, God has restored the years the locust have eaten. It's not been miracle upon miracle (though there have been miracles), it hasn't all been good. Sometimes healing requires further tearing, cleaning, reopening of wounds - and though it hurts, it's necessary work.

I often did not see the light at the end of the tunnel - just an endless, eternal tunnel of darkness. It has affected every part of my life and still does in many ways. The single parenting issues have not gone away. The financial strain and fall out has not gone away. However, I am learning to adjust, adapt, reorganize, manage...

Back in May, God showed up in an unexpected and glorious way. As many of you know, I waited to start dating. First, I felt it necessary to be divorced legally. Second, I felt it necessary to at least reach a place in my healing where I was sure that I was over Rob and was ready to put him and my life with him behind me and look forward. As of January '09, I felt like these thresholds were reached and I began to enjoy dating again - but casually. I knew I was not ready for anything serious or exclusive. I think I had convinced myself that I'd have to date LOTS of different people over a very long period of time before I found a match. I think I convinced myself that I had to be completely healed and restored before I could connect with another soul. I think I convinced myself that I had to have my life and priorities all 100% correct before I could think of joining myself with another or merging families. I think I convinced myself that my relationship with Christ had to be back to what it once was before He allowed me to move forward with any other relationships. However, God showed up to dispel those myths in Steve Wegman.

Steve had not only pursued me romantically making me feel like a giddy little school girl (I had forgotten how it felt to have someone like you and want you like that), he has become a wonderful friend, a superb father figure, a helper, and a brother in Christ. He has been instrumental to my healing, my sanity, my spiritual growth, my esteem and confidence, and has been an excellent mentor and guide for Ethan and Noah. I watch in amazement as they bond with him and my heart swells. I have learned that not only has my divorce NOT hindered my ability to love another, but it has actually enhanced it...for I no longer take it for granted. I understand the joy of a true spiritual and emotional and romantic connection with another - one who has CHOSEN to connect with me and committed to that connection. One who treats it with respect and honor as it should be. With that, I've also learned that my ability to trust has not been affected either. It's shifted to it's rightful place. I now understand where I had misplaced trust before, and have learned I can be a trusting person without trusting those who are not deserving of it. Learning that has made a huge difference - it helps me have the correct expectations of others including Rob. More realistic expectations based on THEIR performance, honesty, efforts. Not what I wish they were.

Steve has also validated everything I thought I was, but that had been invalidated and destroyed by Rob. Do you have any idea how wonderful it is to just have someone recognize qualities in you that are positive or that enhance their lives? I know we should not need the validation of mankind, but it sure does feel great when we do get a nod every now and then!

So where I agree completely that divorce is never God's will - He always prefers restoration, sometimes that is not possible due to the OTHER parties choices, not your own. God will not hold us in bondage to that kind of emotional torment. He will find another way for RESTORATION (His perfect will) to happen - even if it's through another. God's chosen instrument for me, Ethan, and Noah seems to be Steve, Joe, and Ben Wegman. The future looks very bright, indeed. And God gets all the praise, glory, and credit. Please hold us all in your prayers as we carefully navigate unknown territory and contemplate our futures.

An amazed and grateful daughter of the King,
Lori

Put In Bay Vacation: Scenery and Candids

2009-09-08T01:00:00.005-04:00

Ethan is a legend in his own mind.... :)
A very rare photo of Noah actually smiling when I said 'smile...I'm taking your picture!"

This is the islands only lighthouse. Nothing like the traditional ones...

Looking for the perfect "skipping stone"

From the cliffs of our campground

It may not be Superior, but it's still easy to see how one could get lost out there in the dark...

Dusk on the beach

On the pier with Grandma and Grandpa

Trying to get those rocks to skip just like Grandma did...

Put In Bay: Day trippin'

2009-08-25T22:37:00.005-04:00

War of 18 holes Putt-Putt

Noah did not get the idea of putting. Here is a little sideways video - you'll see what I mean. How in the WORLD are you supposed to score THAT? Is it par?? :)

Here we are enjoying our cheese and grape juice at the Heineman Winery. We are soooooo cultured and refined. I mean, the boys even toasted their drinks!

Ft. A- MAZE - in. I admit. I got lost. Dad helped us from the observation tower.

Crystal Cave. It's actually not a cave, but a giant geode. The crystals are incredible! You can see some of the size compared to other tourists heads below...

The Carousel. One of the last wooden ones in the US. Rode this same carousel as a child.

Put In Bay: Butterfly House

2009-08-25T21:16:00.005-04:00

These are pretty self explanatory. It's a butterfly house. Lots of flowers, lots of butterflies. Really cool for Ms. Funderburk the Biology teacher! :)

Noah was ready to leave once one landed on him. That was his only goal. Poor Ethan - he'd have stayed there the rest of the night waiting on one to land on him if I'd have let him. They never did. But I did remind him how many times he's had Monarchs on his head, hands, and nose. That seemed to satiate him.

Put In Bay Vacation: Perry's Museum and Put In Bay Historical Museum

2009-08-18T09:04:00.002-04:00

I pray this never becomes more than just a photo with my children... :) I told them to make faces like a bad guy. Why do bad guys always squint and scrunch up their face? :)

Again with the squinting. I think Noah was trying to be pirate here.

My boys favorite parts about history: the weapons. They cannot get enough about guns, cannons, swords.

Put In Bay Vacation: The Perry Memorial

2009-08-15T17:15:00.004-04:00

The Perry Monument closed the next weekend for a 2 year renovation. It honestly has not changed at all since I visited as a child.

The interpreter had a lot of interesting information regarding the weaponry and how they fought in the war of 1812. The most interesting part to me was the difference between a musket and a rifle.

A view from the top

This was Perry's motto for his troops (is that what you call navy soldiers or only army?)

The Islands and lake from the top of the monument

This is the main downtown area of Put In Bay (which, incidentally got it's name from Perry since is was one of the only safe and somewhat hidden areas to put the navy ships in the bay to sneak up on the British...)

This is the tippy top structure of the monument.

The marina - lots and lots of rich folks with their nice toys...

The monument from across the lawn. It was the perfect day for this.

They've added a museum building that has models, a movie, and interpretive displays regarding the war of 1812, but most specifically Perry's Battle of Lake Erie. Apparently this battle is credited for turning the war to our favor. I will post pics from that next.

So unfortunately, if you've never been to South Bass Island and Perry's Monument, you will not get to see the monument now for 2 years. Everything else will be open, you just won't get to go up to the observation deck. If you are nervous about heights, this is one of the few open air decks left in the US and it's VERY WINDY!!!! It is surrounded by a concrete wall about chest high (to me), but there is nothing to keep anyone from jumping or throwing things off. Four year olds who like to climb might make their mommies a bit nervous... (I'm OK...now)

Put In Bay Vacation: On the Ferry

2009-08-11T10:31:00.006-04:00

The ride over to the South Bass Island is one of my favorite parts of the trip. I never grow tired of riding the ferry. Makes me think that I could really enjoy learning to sail. Or even taking an extended vacation in a house boat. Traveling down the Mississippi from the head waters in Itasca to the Gulf would be a fascinating journey of culture, history, and nature...

I know these birds are basically the rats of the air, but I love the sights and sounds of sea gulls. Perhaps I'd grow tired of them if I were around them all the time...much like I did Canadian Geese in MN (at least Geese don't poop on your head). The cool thing is the way they would follow the ferry if someone had some bread. Dive for it right out of the air. they would do this all day long - back and forth across the lake following the ferry for food.

Ethan and Noah really enjoyed throwing them some bread, even though they couldn't really get it out and high enough. Most of it landed in the water...

The scenery of the lake and the islands and the mainland is beautiful. You see the islands from a perspective you can't when you are on them - the cliffs, the homes built right on the edges, the beaches, and of course, the expanse of Lake Erie...

And if the weather is clear enough, you can usually see the other ferry heading in the opposite direction...

The view on the ferry is also entertaining. Every thing that has to get to the islands must get there by ferry. Tourists with their cars, delivery trucks, semi's, construction vehicles...

...even the garbage trucks. This is the largest thing I've ever been on a ferry with. When it drove on, the entire ship sank down several feet! Mom and Dad both said they've been on with semi's before - including trailers.

Here is Grandma and Grandpa waving to all of us up on the deck. They like to stay below to feel the spray of the lake.

The boys reactions were priceless. Everything I'd hoped for. There was no disguising their thrill and excitement. I believe they could have spent an entire day going back and forth on the ferry.

This is the dock on the mainland... the last thing you see on your way to Put In Bay, the first thing you see upon returning to the mainland.

This was always one of my favorite vacations as a child. I'm glad to say it held much the same feelings for me this time around as well. But the best part was sharing it with my boys. This place is partially responsible for my natural wonder as I fell in love with Biology here...and fishing. It is partially responsible for my historical curiosity as I soaked in information about Perry's Battle of Lake Erie in the War of 1812. It inspired numerous school projects, I learned to ride a 2 wheeler, spent my first summer "sun worshipping" (and learned quickly that my skin tone was not the sun worshipping type...never tried that again - at least not on purpose), along with that, turned my hair green from chlorine plus peroxide (the stupid things we do as teens to try to get the attention of boys...), learned to skip rocks, and made more memories than I can even start to list with family and friends here. Erma's cookies, Grandpa and the other men cleaning the fish (and me playing with they eyeballs), Jimmy Winkler and I climbing trees and picking mulberries until we were sick, campfire stories, collecting rocks and "lucky stones" from the Sheephead's, catching walleye and bass, riding our bikes to Dairy Queen for a Dilly Bar, shopping, the practical jokes played on one another, my brother Brandon having to be flown off the island for an injury, getting to drive Poppie's boat, the storms that could blow up in almost an instant...the list goes on. And of course, bringing back enough fish to last until next year.

It was kind of weird to spend several days on the island and not go fishing. Maybe next time! Don't forget to pack the Hot n' Tots!!!!

Cincy Zoo

2009-08-06T02:19:00.006-04:00

The Cincy Zoo had a $1 admission day and gave the kids each a free disposable camera! They had a blast! Mom took a day off and we loaded up the van with cousins for a lovely outing.

Group shot outside the elephant house: clockwise from bottom left is Destiny, Drew, Brianna, Ethan, and Noah.

All Ethan kept saying he wanted to see was the Rhinos. I have no idea why, but that kid has fixated on Rhinos.

They enjoyed the traveling jugglers, too

Here they are doing their best impressions of a wild animal in front of a zoo sign... I don't think Noah got it. And I'm not sure, but I think Brianna is trying to be a monkey... :)

For some reason, the elephant is the only pic I took (besides the Rhino) that turned out well enough to post. Oh, well.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

2009-08-06T02:07:00.002-04:00

This was my boy's second live theater experience. The first they saw was Seussical. They loved it and stayed interested, but afterwards wanted NOTHING to do with meeting the cast - the costumes were too outrageous I think. And they were much younger. In this one, everyone looked like people, and Ethan and Noah wanted to meet them ALL afterwards. With a cast of at least 40 people, I limited them to a few choice characters...

This is the son of my colleague at Lakota East. She is the theater director. She was able to share this experience with both her children as they were all in the show together! What fun! Often, her kids will "babysit" mine when I am there working on lights and sound for a show and have to bring Ethan and Noah along. They love this guy...he takes them exploring around the school and theater!

I thought is amusing that 1)Noah will not smile for any of these photos and 2) he kept making sure his frog was in the picture. Strangely appropriate foreshadowing to have a frog in the story of Joseph... :)
This character is always a favorite - Pharoh ala Elvis.

The production's Joseph. He is a local dentist. Did a fine job.

This was produced by the Mason Community Theater. It was a huge cast and they had several very nice voices. Not as high energy in the dance department as I've seen in other productions, but one was a high school and the other was the touring professional show with Donny Osmond. This is one of my favorite shows.

Jars Of Clay

2009-08-05T00:54:00.002-04:00

I've gotten to see several concerts this summer - Huey Lewis on July 3rd, and now...Jars of Clay on July 18th! This was at the Underground in Springdale. Small setting, big sound. They were really, really AWESOME!!! The old stuff sounded great...they even changed some of them up a bit. And I'm really anticipating the new stuff coming down the pipe! I especially enjoyed my company for the evening...Steve! :)

Summer Candids and Musings...

2009-08-04T15:32:00.005-04:00

In spite of having to change my plans at the last minute, I've had a very memorable and fun summer with my kids! Busy days, lazy days...just as it should be, I think.

While on a walk with the boys early summer, they pointed out that I just had to take a picture of these blooms because "they are your favorite color, mama...purple!" They are going to make wonderful husbands one day if they keep paying that close attention! :)

a photo of Noah on the Diego ride at KI...I missed it with the other KI photos. I love the elation on his face!

Noah thinks it's cool when he learns a "trick": aka - a way to do something that is not the way it's usually done.

...like scaling the ladder from underneath...

They never grow tired of swinging! One of my playground favorites as well. Here is Ethan and Noah with cousin Lexi.

Ethan flipping around on the bars...he has completely outgrown any "cautious" phase he had. Though I still sense in him a reluctance to look silly sometimes. I don't push him, but try to lead by example - I look silly enough for all of us some days! :) LOL!

Cousin Lexi, Noah, Ethan.

This summer will also be memorable because of a new friend and romance in my life. I am thankful for Steve and enjoying the adventure. I didn't know there were men out there like him and ones with which I would be so compatible! God is slowly restoring the years the locust have eaten in my life... :) I'm very happy and excited. I'm finally enjoying the journey again!

July 4th

2009-07-30T17:58:00.016-04:00

July 4th weekend, 2009. Will prove to be one of the most fun, most memorable, weekends for me! It also marked a very important turning point in my life as a single woman now 2 years after my ex-husband left.Event #1 - July 3rd at the celebration in Mason, Ohio. Got to hear Huey Lewis and the News, spend time getting reacquainted with old friends from Princeton Pike pre-Lee days, meet and make some new friends, hang out with my cousins Tom and Melissa and their girls, meet up with some friends from MN and Real Life Church (unexpected and pleasant surprise!), see some great fireworks, and just start to realize something a bit special about a new friend...

The bad part: I lost Noah in the crowd for about 15 minutes. I was a bit panicked at first, but shook myself and got the police right away. They already had him by the time I went to them. Ugh. He's just too independent for his own good...

This is my second time seeing/hearing Huey. He's just the same each time...even after 20+ years...

Event #3 - The City of Hamilton parade on July 4th and a visit to the Soldiers and Sailors Memorial. Not too bad. Several bands, Shriner's in their little cars, horses, Veterans, some creative floats...all it was missing, really, was an Uncle Sam on stilts... :)
Here is a cute shot of Noah walking to the parade with Grandma and Grandpa.

No parade is complete without bagpipers... men in any other skirts would not be nearly as sexy!

This is a Native American Drumming group. We saw them last year at River Days. It was cool.

2 of the bands in the parade: the rivals - Hamilton "Big Blue" and the Fairfield Indians

"When Fairfield's red, white, warriors fall in line, we're gonna win, win, win, another time..."

I just love the Shriner's...

The Soldiers and Sailors Memorial has stood along the banks of the river for as long as I can remember and I've never bothered to go in until now. Had uniforms, weapons, and other paraphernalia. It's a nice little museum. And right next to it is one of the original pioneer houses from "Ft. Hamilton". My boys could not believe that kids back then actually entertained themselves without TV or toys that needed batteries. :)

The last events of the weekend was a Sunday morning picnic at our church. That was a lot of fun and quite an adventure for reasons I'll not share here...but those in the know will remember with a little chuckle! ;) (especially Tom Pate who reveled in the "I told you so's!") Sunday evening was a community gathering at Princeton Pike with music, inflatables, a car show, food, and fireworks. I have to say, they did a very nice job in spite of the crowd and the long wait to get parked.

All in all, it was a fun filled weekend. I don't remember packing quite so much into one weekend in a loooooooonnnnng time. But it was one of the reasons this summer has been so wonderful and will hold a lot of great memories for me and the boys.

Oh yeah...that and the fact that we kicked some British butt about 230 years ago and sent the king packing... :)

A special "thank you" to Steve W. for allowing me the use of his pictures from Mason. He has a better camera and is a much better photographer than I! :)

Splashdown 2009

2009-07-30T17:23:00.007-04:00

This is our church's version of VBS for the summer - an "all day" camp. This was Ethan's first year and he loved it. Noah enjoyed his time with mommy all by himself...

They spent the week in different classes and activities, putting together a program for Sunday morning - a cute little musical play about Jonah. They whipped this together in a week - sets and everything! Our Children's pastor and everyone who helps out is amazing. Ethan is under and slightly to the right of the 'h' - middle row. I wish I had a fancy, schmancy camera with telephoto lens. 'Course I wouldn't know how to use it... :(

Ethan and Noah with cousins Abby and Elizabeth

Lori's Vacation Series: Downtown Cincy

2009-07-22T12:01:00.005-04:00

I know it's not the biggest, brightest, most happening city in the US, but visiting reminds me of how I felt each time I'd come home from Lee College. My Lee years was the first time I'd ever lived outside of this area, and I learned to identify myself as a Cincinnatian. It fostered a pride for my hometown that never would have developed if I had never left. So, Cincinnati, hail to thee!

Statue of Cincinnatus. The Roman farmer turned soldier turned farmer again that our fair city was named after.

The famous "Purple People Bridge" connecting Cincy with Newport/Covington. It's two great states for the price of one! :)

We may not be the Mississippi, but we like our paddle boats.

The waterfront area was developed after I left for college, so it's still kind of new to me. This is the serpentine wall. This and the bridge is part of the "riverwalk" along the Ohio on the Cincy side. Very nice day trip. Especially if there is some special event or festival going on.

One of my favorite views in the world: coming around the bend into Covington (heading north on 75) and seeing the Cincy skyline. It always makes me feel like "I'm home" even though I know I still have at least 30 more minutes to drive! :)

Timing

2009-07-22T11:30:00.002-04:00

I've been contemplating timing issues of late. Particularly my timing vs. Gods. And how much control I actually have over that vs. how much control I'd like to think I have over that. :)

Timing has been a big theme in my life for the last 2 years. The timing of Rob's confession and the divorce and it's implications such as the timing of my career change, the timing of having kids the timing of homeschooling, the timing of trying to sell a house during a recession. The timing of a move closer to family, of the financial fallout from "unyoking" oneself legally, the timing of all of these major life changes in relation to the stage of life I found myself and my kids.

It's clear to me that all of that was unwanted timing. Not chosen by me. I had NO control. So I had to learn to trust that God, knowing what was coming and caring for me more deeply than anyone, knew that it was the best timing. He had a reason for not having it all happen sooner, or waiting until later. I don't know what that reason was and may never know. But I do trust His love for me.

Now I find myself contemplating timing yet again for more changes that are possibly on the horizon. Yet, I catch myself actually thinking I am in control because these changes are not crisis changes. Isn't that just like us? When there is crisis, we cling to our savior. When it's not a crisis, we think we can take care of it all by ourselves. I see this in my kids. When we are in a hurry or when one of them is hurt, simple tasks such as putting on their shoes become overwhelming and they need help. When the added stress isn't there, and I offer help, they are adamant about doing it on their own. They could struggle with the task the same either way...it's the circumstances surrounding the task that changes their perception.

Perhaps this is why CS Lewis refers to pain and sorrow and suffering as "God's megaphone". We don't listen unless we are under stress or seemingly out of control. He has to use a voice amplifier to get our attention when under another circumstance all He might need is a whisper.

Even those of us who have tasted surrender forget it's sweetness in the absence of need. I wish I was not of the ilk that has to learn the hard way. But the older I get, the more I cringe at that brutally honest assessment of myself. I am stubborn. If given the chance, I will take the reigns. I cannot simply sit back and enjoy the ride and let Him steer. Why, why, why???? Maybe I should start every morning asking myself "Lori, why do you want to drive today if God is already willing to do it for you?" Of course I am NOT advocating a "non participatory" Christianity...please don't think I'm going there. I'm just trying to acknowledge that I am in much less control than I think I am and should WANT to be in less control than I struggle to be. Surrender does not mean lying back and just letting life happen while shrugging your shoulders. It means choosing to participate WITH GOD in HIS plan, not my own.

With regard to timing, maybe there is no such thing as "the right thing at the wrong time" for a Child of God whose steps are ordered. When I try to understand the timing issue through my own understanding, or the counsel of people alone, I get confusion, turmoil, distrust, doubt, etc. If I can just trust that there is a reason for the timing that is bigger than me, and consider that along with trusted counsel (which I believe is wise), then there is peace. Instead of being like the disciples in the boat who only experienced peace once Christ stopped the storm, I can be like Christ and sleep in the boat while the storm rages.

I have a feeling that if I could ever grasp this and actually live by it, I could be so much more effective as a Christian and human.

Lori's Vacation Series: Ohio State House

2009-07-19T22:47:00.006-04:00

The People's House

I've always enjoyed state trivia such as symbols. Here is the list for Ohio:

Bird: The Cardinal

Flower: Red Carnation
Insect: Lady Bird Beetle

Mammal: White Tailed Deer

Fossil: Trilobite

Mineral/Gem Stone: Flint
Motto: "With God All Things Are Possible"

Reptile: Black Racer Snake

Tree: Buckeye
Wildflower: White Trillium

Song: "Beautiful Ohio"

Some Famous Ohioans:

Neil Armstrong
Erma Bombeck

Steven Spielberg

Harriet Beecher Stowe

R.L. Stine

James Thurber

Presidents Grant, Harrison, Hayes, Harding, McKinley, Taft

Halle Berry

Drew Carey

Bob Hope

Sarah Jessica Parker

Roy Rogers

Kathleen Battle

Tracy Chapman

The Clooney family

Michael Feinstein

Chrissie Hynde (The Pretenders)

Dean Martin

The O'Jays

Roger Troutman

Billy Strayhorn

The Devil Wears Prada

Relient K

Dwight Yoakam

Tecumseh
Thomas Edison

Jack Nicklaus

Joe Nuxhall

Jesse Owens

Judith Resnick

Pete Rose

George Steinbrenner

B.F Goodwrench

John D. Rockefeller

Gloria Steinem

Jack Hannah

Charles Manson (more infamous than famous)

Of course there are many more...

Lori's Vacation Series: Ohio Nature

2009-07-17T02:33:00.003-04:00

For those of you on Facebook, you may have seen these before. I'm behind on my blog...seems to take a little more time and effort to get things posted here than Facebook. But don't worry. I'm not quitting the blog. I like the "journal" nature of it better than Facebook.

Probably the thing I enjoyed most on my vacation was discovering that Ohio is not a boring, Midwestern state when it comes to scenery. We have some very pretty, downright gorgeous areas! And being farther south than MN, I enjoyed discovering a bit more variety in the flora and fauna...simple things I missed in MN like lightning bugs, or more variety of deciduous trees, or more flowering plants (no magnolias or honeysuckle in MN...oh how I missed those!)

Hocking Hills
Crystal Falls at Hocking Hills

Hocking Hills

Hocking Hills - this area was like walking back in time to me. I could just imagine prehistoric Ohio...

Great Seal Park - ant mound. This was the biggest I had ever seen. I would estimate about a 5 foot diameter at the base, and about 3 foot high. You can't see them, but it was just covered in ants. The mean ones. You would not want to accidental step in this!

I found a lot of milkweed here, too. Unfortunately, no monarchs. That is one thing I miss about MN. We get more there because it is in the direct migratory path. They come straight up from Mexico all the way into Canada and back. Ohio is a little East of that path, so fewer come this way. I miss raising them. I might have to just start ordering a batch from the U of M every summer to get my "fix"!

The Great Seal Park - theses are supposedly the "mountains" (hills) used on the Great Seal of Ohio. I'll include a picture of that with my next post.

View as I drove into the Great Seal Park

Great Seal Park

View on a trail at Ft. Ancient. For those of you not from Ohio: this is an ancient Native Mound site. We have a few of these "land sculptures" around Ohio. Many theories of what they may have been used for - burials, boundaries, art, sacred ritual, all of the above. My favorite was always the Serpent Mound...but I didn't go there on this trip. A little farther away than I wanted to travel.

Another view in Ft. Ancient.

Whetstone Park of the Roses - Columbus

I took several pics of blooms, but I don't want to bore you with them. This one, however, was probably my favorite.

The thing I will remember most about this place was the smell. I could have just stayed there all night.

Park of the roses

Lori's Vacation Series: COSI

2009-07-02T10:39:00.004-04:00

This was part of the trip I was really looking forward to. Since moving from MN, I have really missed the Science Museum and working there! COSI was everything people told me it would be and more. I was very impressed. Best part? Since I am technically still a SMM employee, I got into COSI for FREE!!!! Just flashed my badge...yep. It's all about connections, people! :)

Their special exhibit right now is big machines. I kept thinking "oh, my boys would love this!" Truth is, mommy kinds likes big machines, too!

No science themed museum would be complete without a dino somewhere...

If I am correct, this is the Scioto river running through Columbus. We are on the back side of COSI.

Columbus really is a lovely town...I really enjoyed my time there. And I really liked their alternative station: CD 101

You could ride on the high wire bike...pretty cool!

All of these x rays were some weird injury. Some made me laugh...I knew I shouldn't...

This enormous wire skeleton was really cool. It spanned 3 floors. No way I could get it all in the picture.

Outside in "Science Park". This is one of those "anti-gravity" rides that spin and pin you against the wall. Not for me, thank you. Unless you want to see what I ate for breakfast today. ;)

This was a really cool exhibit all about the ocean and the forces associated with it. The interactive displays were fun and really creative.

A mini sub in the ocean exhibit.

A giant lever in Science Park - yes that is a real car those kids are lifting.

Another view of the spin ride. Ugh. Makes me a little queasy just to watch it.

I WILL be back to COSI and to Columbus!

My boys first trip to the beach...

2009-06-30T21:25:00.002-04:00

Busy at work and busy at play - my boys know what to do with a giant sandbox and water...

Grandpa Funderburk had to help them get used to the waves...THIS water moves by itself and can knock you down!

They dug a hole and kept filling it with water...never could figure out where the water kept going... :)

Myrtle Beach, June 2009 with Grandma and Grandpa Funderburk

Thank you for giving my boys this experience!

Reflections on Father's Day

2009-06-21T07:50:00.002-04:00

It may seem funny to you, but this day is harder for me than Mother's Day is. I am a mother whether married or not. My boys have their mother whether married or not. But the "Father" thing haunts me. This day I am reminded of where I lack. I can do a lot for my boys. I can pick up a lot of the slack - not easy, but I can do it. However, no matter how much I try, I cannot impart masculinity to them. No woman can. No female can guide them into what it means to be a man. Only men can do that.

The statistics are frightening...If I relied solely on statistics. Boys without fathers suffer all sorts of social ills...if I relied on society to raise my boys. You know what I am finding? It is much harder to believe and trust God for your children than it is for yourself. If God doesn't come through the way I think He should for me, well, I can tell myself that perhaps I was seeking the wrong thing and know that even though I may not like it, God's plan is bigger and better. But I don't want my boys to suffer. I don't want them to hurt.

Now you can sit there reading this and tell me all the things that you and I both already know...suffering produces character. Hurt is necessary and inevitable. Pain has a purpose. Yes. Yes. Yes. I know this. Doesn't mean I wish it for myself or my kids. Doesn't mean I won't try to avoid it at all costs. Doesn't mean I would choose to seek it out and run headlong into it.

All I know is that my boys are having to learn a lesson at a tender age that I did not have to learn until I was an adult... man is horribly flawed and will disappoint you. Man is selfish. Man does not know how to truly love. (and don't take it wrong...I'm not just referring to the male gender for females are part of "man") Maybe they will be better off learning it early, because for me, it was a devastating lesson that cut deep. I trusted. Too much. And I will bear the scars of that for quite a while - if not forever. Perhaps my children will develop the ability to get over it quicker because they will have learned to not set their expectations so high.

All I can do is surround them with as many different examples of good, Godly men as I can. Encourage their masculine relationships. Seek out mentors for them. Give them room to be "men". Praise the good characteristics, instruct with the not so good ones. And ultimately, keep leading them back to their Heavenly Father. Being one parent is a heavy responsibility. Trying to be two is impossible. My heart breaks at my insufficiency.

Dear God, shelter and shield. Guide and direct. Mold and instruct. Please be their father. And help me to let you be.

So to all of you Father's out there... I honor you this day. May you bless and be blessed. I don't envy you your responsibility, for I have small tastes of it here and there. Know you are loved and appreciated and admired. We don't expect perfection...stumbling is not failure. Quitting is. Giving up is. So thank you for your hard work, for your sacrifice and most of all....for keeping your promises. Thank you for refusing to abandon those who are following you. Your word and leadership means more to us than how much you make or what position you hold at work or church or how competitive you are or how many answers you know. Knowing you will be there no matter what makes this place a little less scary.

Happy Father's Day!

Ethan and Noah in SC

2009-06-20T00:51:00.005-04:00

Visiting Great Grandma Funderburk

Uncle Philip is DA MAN!!! Noah called his new girlfriend a "princess" :)

Not sure about this new worship attire required at Gerald's church...

Looks like Granny went out shopping! :)

Hanging out with Uncle Steve

Who IS that?

Water gun fights are the best...and my boys can't seem to get enough. The bigger the gun, the better.

Not only is there no chance of drowning, there is no chance of sunburn either.

They are both wearing more swimming attire than the women of the 1900's!

A special thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for all the fun. Beach photos will follow soon, I'm sure!

Official Removal of Training Wheels

2009-06-18T23:24:00.004-04:00

We tried to encourage him last summer when he found he could balance a two-wheeler. But in the end, he got a little nervous and said 'let's wait until I'm 7'. Once we got home from KY on Memorial Day weekend, Grandpa asked him if he were ready and he said 'sure!' So before he could change his mind, papaw got his tools out...

and got him started. He took right to it.

Noah, of course, then needed some work on his bike. Here grandpa is installing Noah's "turbo booster" (it was a stick that kept falling out and was serving as a very entertaining bit of frustration for Noah) He was soooo happy with papaw...

End result: Ethan is officially "extreme" and notice Noah's "turbo booster" sticking out above his back wheel. I promise you...this kid does not think he can ride his bike without the turbo booster. He's convinced the bike doesn't work if it's not there. :)

Below is some video to commemorate the occasion...

Mullins Reunion, Memorial Day 2009

2009-06-18T20:34:00.013-04:00

I will warn you up front...there are a LOT of pictures here.

These pics are the reason I love KY so... My heart just leaps when I see forest-covered mountains. Noah told me he was fishin'. Basically...its a stick in the water. But he was happy to pretend!

Ethan had much more fun with feats of strength...let's see how big of a rock I can throw and how far I can throw it...

Back: Cousin Larry, Uncle Les, Aunt Vicky, Dad.

Front: Short (Cousin Bernice), Great Aunt Bernice, Granny, Poppie, Mom

Dad, Poppie, Mom, Granny, Great Aunt Bernice, Aunt Vicky and Uncle Les
Oh, and Champ - Granny and Poppies new favorite grandchild... :)

Course, I loved the critters. I swear, I think I channel the spirit of Ellie Mae Clampet...

Is that you, my prince??????

We chased this lizard around for about an hour before finally getting a pic.

Some very nice horseback riders came by and let the kids pet the horses. We invited them for desert... The one in the black T-shirt was packing a pistol which greatly entertained the boys!

Um, yeah. Did I mention my family is from KY? When in Rome... :)

A bunch of cousins having a lot of fun with a Daddy Long Legs. I was very pleased to see my boys getting into the fauna of the area and not being scared to touch! Yeah! My biology powers are having an effect finally!

It was a lot of fun to watch the kids entertain themselves and make up games to play with just the nature around them. Oh, and the dog.

A brief shower inspired Ethan to catch rain drops on his tongue. Of course, I never drink May raindrops. They aren't ripe yet... (to honor Lucy in a Charlie Brown Christmas...)

On our way back to the shelter from the cave. Our spelunking adventure was a success!

Still some of the props left from the Segal movie "Fire Down Below". Here my boys are showing off their guns by lifting boulders. And, no...I have NO idea why Ethan insists on wearing his socks like knee socks. Kids and their fashion now-a-days.

Inside "Fat Man's Squeeze". Doesn't every cave have one of these?

The Saltpetre cave isn't one of those pretty, sparkly caves, but it has some cool formations that are unique to it.

Most of the formations are worn smooth from the water that dug the cave out.

Another view of the Squeeze...

All through the squeeze, people have carved, painted, or otherwise inked their names and dates on the walls. I'm sure it's not the oldest, but the oldest I found so far was 1810. Supposedly, Daniel Boone carved his name in there somewhere...

Ethan just wanted to get out of the squeeze and was getting a bit annoyed with me wanting to take pictures. He did think it was cool that he actually had to duck here, though.

Another mommy treat...the only bat sighting we had.

Some of the left over tools and things from when people used this cave.

Noah was using his "stick of discovery" to, well, make discoveries. Every few steps he'd stop, point to something and say "oh, wow. That's cool" or tell me what he thought it was. This? According to Noah, someone painted a black spot there. Impressive, isn't he?

Not the squeeze, but the ceiling gets pretty low in some places. Even I had to duck...and that's saying something.

This is a fake skeleton put in a dug grave just to illustrate the area of the cave used for burial. The kids were fascinated. I tried to get them to lie down in there next to it but they wouldn't have any of that even knowing it was fake.

Another mommy treat: Cave Cricket. Even though I zoomed up on him, he's still probably about quarter to half dollar size for his body. Counting legs, I'd estimate him to be 5-6 inches from front to back, 3-4 inches side to side.

This is the "Great Room". They used to hold square dances, church, and a lot of other social gatherings back here. There is even a makeshift stage area and dressing room on one end - all made out of the rock (some natural and some carved).

Here's several cousins waiting by the entrance for the gate to be unlocked. Note Ethan...doing what he does best - bunny ears. :) He's so stinkin' funny!

Granny and Poppie

Granny with Great Aunt Bonnie.

Noah stuck some flowers in my hair and it just exploded from there. At least it helped hide the fact that it went limp somewhere around noon... :) Noah always makes me feel like a princess! He's a charmer, that one!

Poppie and one of his brothers, Uncle Dennis.

Orneriness is genetic in them Halcomb Brothers. :)

And of course no Mullins reunion would be complete without some home grown Bluegrass music. Uncle John is on the upright bass.

This reunion was much bigger this year than I ever remember it to be...with lots of people I've never met before. Apparently, Sissy and Lila have been doing a bang-up job in tracking down other branches of our tree...such as Great Grandma Cora and Great Grandpa Elmer's brothers and sister's kids. It's a lot of fun and I look forward to making this a part of my children's tradition as it was mine as a child.

2009-06-17T15:34:00.005-04:00

Just had the most beautiful hike down to cedar falls in hocking hills. Wore the wrong shoes or I would have done one of the caves or the gorge overlook. I think I was able to identify at least 8 DIFFERENT mosses growing on the rocks around the falls...I LOVE NATURE!!!

The weather turned out nice after all. Sun came out. Got a little humid and me in jeans, but not too bad...especially when hiking in the woods.

Man, I grew up in this state and never knew we had such scenery. Breathtaking! The drive to and from was scenic as well...farm after farm with oasis of trees and forest in the background and spotting the fields. Green fields of corn, gold fields of wheat, old red barns and silos against that backdrop...nostalgic Americana. Know what? I think the Midwest is underrated in this country. I know I've taken it for granted. Glad I have the opportunity to rediscover it.

My "vacation"...

2009-06-17T07:55:00.005-04:00

As you can see, my boys are HEARTBROKEN at the idea of being away from mommy. They are soooo ready for their SC adventure with grandma and grandpa!

Here are the hapless victims, er, I mean, grandma and grandpa... :) You can see Ethan in the background trying DESPERATELY to make bunny ears on grandma for the pic! That's what he does...

And now, a few "out and about Columbus" pics that I took on my cell phone. I really wasn't being a tourist yet...these are just a couple impromptu ones. All my touristy ones are on my SD card and I will get them uploaded when I get home.

First: someone actually took the SNL skit and built a business around it. I know it's just not right, but I couldn't believe it and had to get a picture. For those of you who know this skit, you will be laughing. For the rest of you, best case: you will be scratching your head wondering what the joke is. Worst case: you will think I've completely lost my mind to post something such as this. I apologize for the latter in advance...but I just could not pass it up for those of us who know the skit.

Later that evening, while eating dinner with a friend, one of the largest gaggle of geese I've ever seen together strolled ever so casually through the parking lot. Now I've seen geese before - you can't swing a bat without hitting one in MN, but there was just so MANY in this one family group... I don't care who you are. Having THAT many kids is impressive! Just look at the Duggers, John and Kate, etc. Granted there are many more parents in this group to share the stress...

Today, in spite of the rain, I am off to Chillicothe and Hocking Hills. Didn't plan that too well, I guess.

Frog Dissection

2009-06-17T07:44:00.003-04:00

At first I wasn't sure ending the year with dissection was a good idea. However, the wisdom soon proved itself...my students, who had mentally checked out last month was suddenly engaged and mentally present! I had a first this year... WARNING: GROSS PICS FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC FOLLOW (us bio teachers find it cool, but I realize we are a strange breed...)

So I open up this frog and it's stomach is HUGE. I knew something was in there. Now I've been doing this for 18+ years, so it's not unusual to find contents of bugs and things in there. But I was not prepared for an ENTIRE BEETLE!!! Still intact. I am witnessing Mr. Froggies last meal.

Then, apparently, Mr. Froggie struck gold with a Beetle nest or something. There were a total of 5 beetles, completely intact. The biggest one was about the size of a nickel.

All in all, a great year for my first one back after being a stay at home mommy. If I had to do it, I at least did it right. Thanks to all my 08-09 students from Lakota East Freshman School!

2009-06-16T19:51:00.002-04:00

COSI was very cool. Unfortunately, my laptop doesn't have an SD slot, so you will just have to wait for pics...

I know, I know...

2009-06-15T09:37:00.003-04:00

Boy, it's been a while since I updated. I have a lot of pics from the past month to get up here. But now that school is over, I wanted to take a minute to update you very briefly.

First, my vocal surgery was last Friday the 12th. I want to honor God for His hand on the procedure...one of the "pre nodes" had developed into a full blown node because of continued use during school of course. When the doctor went to cut if off, if just sort of slid right off my chords. He didn't have to cut at all. The other side was still in "pre" mode and needed a thin slice right along the edge. I've been pretty good about being voiceless...helps that Ethan and Noah are at Grandma and Grandpa Funderburks for another week. I've only messed up a couple of times, so hopefully that won't be a big deal.

So the prognosis is good. I hope to be singing again before the end of this year. Oh, how I have missed it!

I am currently taking advantage of my "sans children" time and am off on an adventure of sorts around the state. I am exploring the city of Columbus today. Will have dinner with a friend tonight, probably finish up some museums, etc. in Columbus tomorrow, then head out to Hocking Hills or Amish country. Work my way back and see Ft. Ancient and explore a bit of Cincy. I'm kinda excited. No agenda. Just me and some friends on occasion, I've never done this before and I'm enjoying my singleness and my "non mommy status" for a bit. I do miss hearing those boys laugh and getting snuggles, though!

I've enabled text updating, so I'll give it a try while I'm out and about!

Keep me in your prayers as I recover - that it may be quick and complete.

Love you all!

New experiences

2009-05-26T12:31:00.002-04:00

I have had a myriad of opportunities come my way lately that I've been very excited about, AND have broadened my horizons. I've had sushi and sake' (very interesting - also learned a lot about Japanese culture and dining through the experience - fascinating), I've learned to play Disc Golf, I've gotten back involved in theater (at school)and will be (this week to be exact) going to a community theater production (haven't been to one in years and very excited to be going and scoping out how I can get involved as my boys get bigger) and have been able to explore a few museums of late (will be going to the Creation Museum this weekend). I've been introduced to Strength Finders and the Organic Church Movement (can't really say much yet...just introduced), been able to see lots of movies - old and new, may be taking Salsa dancing lessons this summer, have rediscovered my childhood at Kings Island, and I've been making new friends (both male and female) through Divorce Care, my activities, Facebook...all in all, I'm having fun kind of discovering me as a single woman.

Still working on the balance factor, though. I really need to get more involved at my church and find some group-type things for my kids to be involved in. Cub Scouts didn't really catch on with Ethan this year, but he liked his Divorce Care for Kids classes. Noah seems to be having fun in preschool and learning a ton. Ethan has experienced many successes of late and seems to be liking school more. I'd like to join the Y if I can swing it. They have some fun classes for the kids, too.

None of this would have been possible without the help of my mom and dad. They have been invaluable to me.

The summer holds the potential of yet more adventure and discovery. Ethan and Noah will be spending some time in SC with Grandma and Grandpa Funderburk. I will be having surgery and I hope I will be able to travel a bit while the boys are gone - not too far, just around my state to rediscover all the history and nature of Ohio. And visit friends in different areas of the state. I hope to take the boys for a short jaunt to South Bass Island, my childhood vacation place. I may get to take them through Cleveland, TN to check out Lee University...mommas Alma Mater. Haven't been back since 1994 and to my understanding, Lee has basically taken over the city! Would also like to take a couple of weeks back in MN to see old friends, visit Real Life Church, and let the boys visit their dad.

You know, everyone says that God can cause some good to come out of things like a divorce if we let Him. I didn't believe them. I didn't want to believe there could be anything good about the breakdown of a family. But now I'm seeing what they mean...the circumstance itself isn't good. However, we can stay there, or we can move on and find a way to redefine our new existence in good ways. I would have stayed in my "married rut"...being single has given me back my curiosity and a freedom to try new things with new people. To redefine myself as Me, alone...not part of a couple. Don't get me wrong, I like being part of a couple...but it's also nice to not have to answer to anyone for my preferences or for my schedule, or for my likes or dislikes. To just be me. And in that I'm also learning that sometimes the enjoyment level is all about the company. Dinner becomes an adventure when you are out on a date. Taking a walk has new meaning when you are with a friend. Riding bikes (or roller coasters) is more fun with your kids. Reading a book is better when shared and discussed. Experiencing your children's milestones is much more rewarding with family. Shopping is more fun with mom. Sitting at a coffee shop can be romantic if you are with a gentleman, or can be a barrel of laughs if you are out with a group of gals. Even the challenges met with single parenting and homemaking can be looked at positively - I don't really have to worry about consulting someone else when I need or want to make a decision for the boys. Things can be done quicker and more efficiently, because the buck stops here. Don't have to worry about keeping house to someone else's approval, squeezing the toothpaste tube on the end, or which way I put the toilet paper roll on the dispenser. And all that can be a nice break.

I really hope that I don't loose myself so easily in my next relationship. Instead of defining myself by the relationship or the other person, I want the relationship and other person to enhance me, and I them. Someone with whom I can continue to grow and have new experiences with. Someone of whom I will never stop wanting to learning. Someone who is never content to stay where he is, but is always looking for the next step, dance, jump, climb, adventure, learning experience. And someone who will challenge me, but accept me. Iron sharpening iron. That, unfortunately for me, takes time. I am not known for my patience, but I must learn to be patient and slow. God knows who is right for my heart, and vice versa. And I am confident that he is molding me for him and him for me as we speak.

Life is nothing if not an adventure to be lived. I am trying hard to stop and see the wonder in it all...even the minutia. But most of all in my relationships - family, friends, children, colleagues, business associates, romantic friendships, spiritual, even those day to day connections with folks who serve me in line at the store or the bank or the restaurant. I really want God's heart for people, where before I was content to focus on my household. And while our households are important, God needs us to be out there, too.

So here is to new experiences, and the life they can open up to us. Try something new this week!

Mother's Day 2009

2009-05-18T22:19:00.006-04:00

The whole, stinkin' lot of us went to Kings Island! It was a blast.

Diamondback was and awesome ride! Ethan rode The Beast with me. The BEAST!!!! He's a beast! :)

Dinosaurs Unearthed

2009-05-18T21:04:00.010-04:00

I took the boys to the museum center this last Saturday to see the dino exhibit and Omni movie before they were gone. It's a very nice set up - in the old Union Terminal. Several museums and a reasonable family pass price. May look in to that. Here are the boys outside the entrance.

The exhibit was fossils, skeletons, and a lot of animatronics. Which do you think my boys were most interested in? Hmmmmm???
Veliciraptors

I don't remember what this one is. They've really gone all the way with this "dinos became birds" scenario now.

Protoceretops

don't remember this one's names...one of the "first birds", but not Archeopteryx...I know that one.

A juvenile TRex. There was another one covered in downy fur. Again with the bird scenario. Listen, when I was a kid, dinos were reptiles. Cold blooded reptiles. And Pluto was a planet. That's the beauty of science...nothing ever stays the same. Except gravity. (bummer - I'd kinda like to fly)

The TRex models were fabulous! The first one Ethan ever saw was at Wall Drug in SD. He would not go anywhere near it. Now, I believe he would have mounted these and taken a ride!

Dilophasaurus

Juvenile TRex from another angle. Sans kids... no, they did not get eaten.

Here's momma...

Momma after Weight Watchers! :)

Pterodons/Pteradactyles

Unless I'm mistaken, this would be a Plesiosaur.

Apatasaur

Parasaurolophus

Triceratops

Stegasauri. and humans.

Another view of the stegasaurus.

The boys in front of the Brachiosaurus (I think) outside the museum.

One thing I found intriguing about the movie...they kept coming back to "we think all these mass burial sites are due to sudden flooding". But, of course, it couldn't be what you and I are both thinking, could it? ;)

It was a very fun day.

The Lord's Prayer

2009-05-18T00:59:00.003-04:00

Voice surgery

2009-05-16T11:14:00.004-04:00

I have it scheduled for June 12. Please be praying. I feel pretty confident in this doctor. He seems to be sensitive to the fact that 1) I use my voice in my career and 2) I get great pleasure in singing and want to continue. While there is no guarantees, of course, he did say he takes extra care and does a few little extra things to aid the healing and protect the cords for people like me - who don't want to simply restore their voice, but want to try to get it back to its original quality.

The rest will be in God's hands. I was having a discussion with a friend last night about how there are times that I don't know what to do without my voice. I feel lost and invisible. And maybe that's the problem. Perhaps God is stripping me of everything I've ever put my identity and worth in to show me that all I really need is Him. I know when my voice first started going I wasn't sure how to worship. I used my voice to glorify God. But it didn't take me long to realize that I have many other "instruments" by which I can praise Him, so I threw myself into using those. I want my voice back, but if it is never restored, I will still praise Him. Through the dance, through my writing, through motherhood, as a teacher, through my relationships with friends and family, through service, and the hardest of all: through my attitudes - at least I will keep trying to do the last one (I don't always succeed, surprise, surprise! )

Please pray that the hands of God will guide the surgeon and will touch my body with healing that only He can provide. The human body amazes me. A wondrous creation that God has given wondrous abilities to. But there is only so much Biology can do - the rest if up to God. Biology can heal my chords. But only God can restore my voice.

And I simply cannot imagine that He has pursued me and sustained me thus far only to drop me and walk away.

the winds of change they are a blowin'

2009-05-11T15:36:00.002-04:00

I've had some very interesting changes in my life here very recently. Some good, some bad, some indifferent. All I know for sure is.. God is up to something. I'm not sure what. But I've stopped trying to figure it out. I'm just along for the ride.

I'll let you know more when I can, or when He lets me know more. Otherwise, I just ask that those of you who pray for me regularly...please continue. Those of you who may have forgotten to pray for a while because you've not heard of any major request, please just mention my name from time to time for wisdom, guidance, direction, continued healing of both heart and voice. And more unity between my head and heart and spirit...sometimes the three of them have very different ideas! LOL!

Just some candids...

2009-05-10T00:41:00.003-04:00

Chuck E. Cheese "date" with Uncle Brandon

After Wed. night church one night. Our church has an awesome kids program, but this meant unexpected showers before bed on an already late night. Ethan was bummed I wouldn't let him keep it (I think his teacher would not have appreciated it on Thursday.) :)

Kings Island

2009-05-09T23:42:00.010-04:00

I remember growing up, a special treat was a day at Kings Island amusment park. Then, as a teen, I remember getting a season's pass for my birthday several years in a row. Well, the entrance fee has become such that 2 trips will pay for a season's pass, so season's passes it is! It's close enough to make going just for a couple of hours worth it - meaning we can go on Friday after work (when hardly anyone is there) or Sunday afternoon (when hardly anyone is there) or on holidays (when hardly anyone is there...) Add to that the fact that my brother's family and my cousin's family has them, and we have an instant outing and playdate for kids and parents alike! Here's some pics and videos from the boys first few trips so far this year...

After spinning in circles for the first half of the ride, Noah finally got in the game by cousin Abby ramming him. He loved it!

No fear. My boys are coaster fans. Good for them. Took me until the age of 14 or 15. But once I did, I was hooked.

Noah is still young enough to appreciate the simple rides like the choo choo. The sheer joyous expression says it all.

Ethan is ever ready to mug for the camera. He REALLY surprised me. As a toddler, he was always so careful. Now, he throws himself into some things without even thinking. The kid got on the Son of Beast with me! 80 MPH wooden coaster that goes unfathomably high. He was a little nervous at some parts, but when it ended and I asked him how it was, his reply was "just right!" There was one moment I was sure he was gonna barf on me, and I kept hearing him reassure himself "I'm OK. It's almost over." But he's ready to go again...

Below are a couple of videos that Uncle Tom took of the boys. Hope they work.

7 Wonderful Years

2009-05-09T23:25:00.002-04:00

With my first born, Ethan. Had pizza, cake and a play date with ALL the cousins.

opening gifts

He really is an amazing little boy. God give me the wisdom and where-with-all to guide him into manhood.

why blogging in two places is confusing...

2009-05-04T21:36:00.005-04:00

Because you make a comment on one that is related to a comment on the other, and your readers end up confused.

It was brought to my attention that some of you had no idea WHAT I was talking about when I referred to the "sexiness" I had achieved with my lights as being negated by the tediousness of the sound system. I thought to myself "what's wrong with these people? Can they not read my very clever and witty statement about feeling all sexy with my baseball hat backwards, work gloves on and my pockets full of wrenches while I adjust the theater lights?" And then it hit me - that very "clever and witty" statement was a status update on Facebook. Duh. No wonder some of you were wondering what was wrong with my head (not that you don't wonder that anyway... LOL).

So anyway, to clarify - using tools and knowing what you are doing = sexy. Having an unruly sound system kick your butt and show you you have NO IDEA what you are doing = unsexy. There you have it. Yin and Yang.

As far as the play goes - the lights were beautiful. The sound, however, made it's debut as diva in training. Until someone who knew what they were doing helped me out. I got the lights. But I still have a lot to learn about that sound board. GRRRRRRR....I'll get it, though. NEVER GIVE UP!!!

Frustration

2009-04-22T23:34:00.003-04:00

I am currently experiencing this emotion on many levels and in many areas of my life at once. It makes me very edgy and irritable. But the one I want to vent about right now is...

sound systems.

I stopped counting how many hours it took me to set up the system, then change the plot due to failing mics or in the interest of tweaking the sound. Then having to adjust and mark the monitor fields so that live mics don't "wander" into them and cause feedback. Then having to reassign frequencies and channels and re-sync numerous wireless packs. Then having to watch in helpless horror as mic after mic died due to the mistreatment of said mic or the age of it. Then having to trouble shoot why in the heck it STILL won't work (is your antenna covered? Have you muted it? is the master button depressed? Has it come unplugged? Are you getting interference from the Walkie Talkies or someones cell phone? etc., etc., etc.)

Now, the mics we ordered were shipped to some OTHER location in Ohio, and may or may not reach us by opening night - Tomorrow. If not, the company responsible has graciously offered to let us use theirs...which will require MORE hours of tear down, set up, finding frequencies, channels, re-syncing...

I've decided. I don't want to be a sound technician when I grow up. I only want to play one on TV. :) The sound problems is TOTALLY negating any sexiness I achieved from the lights. In fact, it is the black hole of sexiness. Now I'm just a frazzled, tired, middle-aged teacher who is talking to naughty technology. They will be coming to take me away!!!!!

Easter Celebrations

2009-04-12T21:53:00.005-04:00

Photos from our family Easter celebrations...

Ethan and Noah on Resurrection Sunday

Exploring the contents of the Easter baskets...and, of course, scarfing down some candy. Noah went right for the Peeps.

Huntin' eggs - Noah focused on the ground first and completely missed the bright pink one in the window sill.

Actually, I think most of the kids focused on the ground...

Ethan intent and focused on the hunt.

All lined up, receiving instructions from uncle Brandon.

After the hunt, Grandma had some games. Even though Noah couldn't really do the seek a word, he wanted one just like all the bigger kids.

Grandma planned some fun balloon and egg games/races. Noah learned how to sit on a balloon to bust it. "Mommy...it didn't even hurt my butt!"

Even aunt Carla enjoyed that one!

A very fun family celebration. Always wonderful to spend time with siblings and cousins and nieces and nephews. The older I get, the more I cherish the people in my life - family and friends. And the more I understand that everything, EVERYTHING in this life should be about the relationships you forge. First and foremost with God, and then with mankind. Why do we get so wrapped up in things, careers, positions, etc.?

Happy Easter, everyone! He is risen...He is risen, INDEED!!!!

Noah's Birthday

2009-04-08T00:08:00.008-04:00

WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING POST IS FULL OF LOTS AND LOTS OF CUTE PICS THAT PROBABLY ONLY THE GRANDPARENTS WILL BE INTERESTED IN.

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

Well, my baby turned 4 on March 15th. (Happy shared birthday with Grandma Funderburk!) His personality is such a joy. Most of the time. He does have his moments as you will see towards the end of this photo montage.

"uncle" Tom is one of Noah's favorite people in the whole world!

The day was so cold! Note to self: just because you're not in MN doesn't mean that it will be warm enough for an outside party in mid-March. Result? Mommy looked like a "thug" in her hoodie and long black coat. Here's to all my hoooooommmies!!!! I'm chillin' with my peeps, Ethan and Noah.

Noah making sure I remember he is 4 now and not 3 so he can do more "stuff".

Grandma and Grandpa are wonderful. I really do not know what I would do without them. God has truly blessed me with wonderful parents that I am honored to also call friends.

Ethan asked me "is that really what I look like?" That's how I feel whenever I hear myself recorded.

Best friends. I love watching my boys play together.

Even the grown ups got into it. Here Aunt Holly made herself sick spinning in the tire swing... good times!

Next day, Aunt Carla, Desi, and Lexi came by the house since they could not join us at the park. Noah demonstrated his dark side... This face is getting more and more common. Hard to discipline him, though...because I'm usually fighting to keep him from seeing me crack up!!! This will be a good "do you want me to show your girlfriend that picture of you when you were 4?" kind of picture! (evil laugh)

Never lasts long before he's right back to being the charmer.

or the ham.

*sigh* where has the time gone? Didn't I just bring him home?

Happy Birthday, my mighty warrior. My brave knight. My sweet, sweet prince. I am truly blessed to be entrusted with such fine young men. Your mommy is very proud of you!

Pursuit

2009-04-04T21:58:00.002-04:00

In my faith journey, I've come to realize there are times when we must pursue God. That He is leading, perhaps JUST out of reach to see if we will follow... like parents do when they are trying to teach their children to walk. Ever close by, ready to pick us up if we stumble, but none-the-less allowing us to work a little.

And then there are the times He pursues us. With reckless abandon. Times that seem to make no sense. Where He, like Hosea, pursues the wayward, harlot of a wife. The one who keeps going back to her sin, to her lovers, to her idolatry of pleasure. Even on purpose. And still He pursues - even when He has every right to wash His hands clean of us and turn us loose.

It is for that I am thankful tonight.

You know how I will know my next husband? He will pursue me. Like Christ pursues His bride.

Exam Week

2009-04-01T12:36:00.002-04:00

Hands down the most BORING week at school. Ugh.

You would think I'd be able to get a lot of work done in the quiet, but I am interrputed by kids trying to ask for information they should know. Then, the behavior monitoring starts as soon as the first couple finish - they cannot be quiet or sit still.

What grade am I teaching, again? Oh, right. High school?!?!?!?!

(can you tell it's time for Spring Break - even us teachers are whining!)

How is it...

2009-03-29T21:15:00.004-04:00

That a former lover can become an enemy? That someone who pledged life and love to you, promised to look out for your best interest, to have your back, could turn into a saboteur? That a former minister who preached and lived mercy to others could, in turn, become so merciless to his own family?

My financial situation may be taking a turn for the worse due to Rob's negligence with our house in MN, and the fact that the retirement monies I was awarded are gone. I desire your prayers. I'm quite angry, frustrated, hurt, sad, vengeful...you name it....I seem to be feeling it.

Things that make me enjoy teaching

2009-03-26T09:37:00.002-04:00

I have to write a book one day of all the funny, insane, unbelievable things adolescents do and say in school...but I'm afraid parents would never want to send their kids back! (LOL)

Today, a 9th grader, 15 years old, got her hand STUCK in the opening of the chair. No one, not even she, is completely sure how she did it. We greased her up with lotion and wiggled it out. Both hand and owner are ok.

But I almost wet myself. Now I know you are not supposed to laugh at your students, but c'mon! How can you NOT laugh at the absurdity!

Especially when I'm mostly NOT laughing of late at how lazy they are all getting. This time of year is terrible in academia. In far enough to be tired of it all, not close enough to the end to really care yet. All that equals an apathy the size of a small planet, an increase in cheating, a laxing of behavior, attitude, personal responsibility/pride/high standards. Coupled with an increase in hormones. My approach to the PDA - embarrass them as much as I can. Sigh, it get's tougher to do that every year.

Something I've been pondering...

2009-03-16T08:07:00.003-04:00

The subtlety of sin. As a child, you like to believe the world is a black and white place. The boundaries are clear. There are good guys, and bad guys. There is right and there is wrong and you will know it when you see it.

But why, then, would people ever choose wrong? Why would people choose things that will hurt them, or others, on purpose?

Even in my life I'm learning that sin is very subtle and gradual. Some days I'll find myself somewhere I never intended to be - in attitude, in my thoughts, or even physically in a place I have no business being - and wonder "how did I get here?" I can trace back the path through a series of small compromises here and there. Ever so "innocent" decisions made one small step at a time until I find myself one giant leap off the path I should be on. Oswald Chambers said this: “...the penalty of sin is that gradually you get used to it and do not know it is sin.” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, 3/16. That pretty much sums it up.

The Word says the penalty of sin is death. Most of us think of death as a sudden onset. One minute we are alive, then tragically we are not. This is not the kind of death that sin leads to. This is the terminal illness sort of death. The slow fade. This is spiritual hospice - you enter in to die. Not for treatment, not for healing, just to be comfortable until the inevitable happens.

I no longer expect to feel some sudden, deep conviction for my sin. I am past that point. That kind of conviction is not for those who have been in an intimate relationship with their savior for years. The longer you are a soldier, the more cunning your enemy has to become to get you. You know how to look for land mines. You can spot sabotage and ambush from miles away. He has to resort to espionage. No, I must be ever so diligent to pay close attention to the details of my heart.

A new gardener may just look at their soil, say "ah, that's nice and black. Must be fertile" and get to planting. Someone who's been around a garden for a while may realize that color is not the only indicator of fertility and actually have samples chemically analyzed to know where there is weakness in the soil. That is me. I must keep my heart under the microscope, in the chemistry lab. It reminds me of that Sunday School song: "be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear, feet where you walk..." The world is ever pervasive and so very seductive. I am not of this world. I must remember that.

“For this people’s heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; ... But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.” Matt 13:15-16. Jesus, do a soil examination of my heart. Bring me back to a place of innocence - make my eyes to see and my ears to hear. Remove that which has dulled me, desensitized me. For you, if anyone, are able to keep me from stumbling.

To you be the honor and glory forever, my king.